u/Equivalent-Topic-896

Hi everyone, PGY-III medicine resident here. I did not apply for fellowship this cycle and have been ~moderately~ interested in cardiology. I have 2 papers published in the European Heart Journal but I still don't know whether I want to be a hospitalist or not, mainly because I am very burnt out from residency at a mid-tier program (top 40). My question is, is cardiology fellowship truly worse than intern year of Internal Medicine? That's what the fellows at my program say and I don't know many fellows at other programs. Question #2: How many weekends do you have per year?

Thanks!

My father was abusive, I would describe him as narcissistic and borderline. A serial cheater; a terrible husband and a terrible father. He has a new life and blocked me when I didn't do anything wrong. My parents got separated when I was 12. I was doing totally fine since he cut me off - I told myself it's freeing which it really is. He verbally and physically abused me and my siblings for years. I recently saw a psychiatrist 2 days ago. I think she asked a lot of childhood questions and I've been feeling terrible since then. Feeling so anxious, irritable and can't sit still. Not able to concentrate or get tasks done. I can't help but feel like I wish I had a father. I wish there was an app that connects older people who want kids with kids who want parents. I say this and I'm 27 lol. I just feel terrible. And for some reason I feel like it's my fault and I'm a bad person unworthy of love (I understand it is irrational). Idk what to do...

Long story short; I grew up with an alcoholic father who tried to kill me, shave my hair (I was 13F) and cheated on my mom regularly. I'm now 27 with a very supportive partner in every way, however, he is touchy when he drinks and has crossed boundaries. I have always had bad anxiety when people drink around me but most recently my partner was touchy with a woman in front of me when he was drunk and the pain and flashbacks were so bad I wanted to die. Another time he was very drunk and on his way home he walked into a strip club and told me about it the next morning. I told my partner how anxious I am and he quit alcohol for a while and promised to never drink in excess but he just gets impulsive as soon as he has the first drink and so he broke the promise. He hasn't really drank much but if there's a party he will be black out drunk. For reference he's 31. This past month I was applying for new jobs and was under a lot of stress so he told me that he will not drink this month; but he did. I feel super anxious, in pain, and so I asked him to quit alcohol for good and he said that it is an unfair ask. I am at the moment still in fight or flight mode and would appreciate people's honest opinion: Is it my right to ask him to quit? If not, how do I solve this? I feel like I will die alone from my PTSD.