I apologize if the title is misleading, I was not sure what else to call it.
Me, 40F my husband 49M married 20 years. My husband recently asked me if we could go over our finances. Now we have a joint account so if he wants to go over our finances, he has the access to do that. But what he was specifically wanting was to go over a line of credit that I have that only has my name on it so that he could see my spending specifically. We also each have a reloadable credit card that we use for online purchases that purchases he wants.
I questioned his motive when we discussed it today because if he wants to do the finances, he has the ability to do that without policing my purchases. Because we have a joint checking account all of our purchases and transfers go through there. My answer was if you wanted to do the finances do it. For the record I specifically do not ask him about his purchases. He usually tells me anyway. He has this expectation that I need to tell him and or ask permission every time I spend money as well. I do work. I make a decent salary. I contribute to household expenses. We are doing decently well financially, so it’s not like we are destitute at the end of the month after bills come out we have plenty of spending money left. But I hate having my purchases be policed if I get a facial, I don’t wanna have to ask permission to get a facial and I don’t want that purchase questioned. To be fair I think it’s reasonable to add that I do use that line of credit to hide some of those purchases from him because I know if they come out of the checking account or the savings account he’s gonna question it. The line of credit has kind of been my safe Haven, where I can spend things without having to justify it.
I was a Stay at Home Mom for a long time and I feel like I have some resentment from that era because a lot of of my spending was questioned so now when it is, I get very defensive because I work.
I want to know if IATAH for pushing back on this and causing an argument, or if this isn’t unreasonable expectation?