I’ve been dating this guy for almost four years. Our relationship has always felt serious to me, even if I’m probably the only one who treated it that way. >!He’s very quiet, distant, and not really sociable, but I always thought that with time he’d open up to me and let me get closer to him emotionally.!<
>!Things started changing when one of his friends added him to a group chat with girls we know. MY BEST FRIEND was there too, but nobody told me !<about it. I only found out later, and when I confronted him, he brushed it off and said his friend insisted. After that, everything slowly became colder between us.
I used to tell him about the things happening to me, about being bullied at school, I was struggling mentally and feeling alone since I don’t really have a strong bond with my family. Talking to him used to make me feel safe, or at least I wanted it to. But whenever I needed him the most, he ignored me. I wrote long paragraphs trying to fix things and explain my feelings while he acted like none of it mattered.
Whenever I asked for reassurance or affection, he’d say “we’re still young,” and I respected that. I never forced him into anything. But over time, he became meaner and more distant. He wouldn’t defend me when his friends talked badly about me, didn’t care when I was getting bullied, and acted annoyed whenever I talked about our relationship. I wasn’t asking for perfection.
At one point, I trusted him enough to tell him about my suicide attempts because I thought he’d understand how much pain I was in. Instead, he called me sick, psychopathic, and stupid. I felt so ashamed and exposed that I immediately lied and said it was just a joke because I couldn’t handle feeling judged by the person I cared about most.
I begged him to change, and he told me he tried, but that love wasn’t worth it. Even when I tried to be affectionate or flirt with him, he acted disgusted and said love was gross. He has never even told me he loves me.
Now I feel completely lost. I can’t imagine leaving him, but staying like this hurts me every day. Deep down, I think I just wanted to be loved gently by someone I would’ve done anything for. I’ve been hospitalized multiple times because of my mental health, and after the way he reacted, I feel even more scared to open up to anyone about my family issues or emotional struggles.
How do you know when a relationship has become emotionally unhealthy instead of just “going through a rough phase”? And how do you fix it ?
TL;DR: I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, but over time he became emotionally distant, dismissive, and hurtful whenever I opened up about bullying, family problems, or my mental health. When I told him about my suicide attempts, he reacted by insulting me instead of supporting me. I still love him deeply and can’t imagine leaving, but staying in this relationship is hurting me emotionally.
How do you tell the difference between a rough phase and an emotionally unhealthy relationship? And how do you fix it?