Long story, but I ended up moving in with my childhood best friend’s family. Her family has always felt like a second family for me, and my only family currently (that’s another story).
My best friend has three older brothers and I grew up with them half the time since my best friend and I were attached at the hip. I never thought of them in any type of way, other than annoying. They were like my brothers. I always knew, especially as we got older that they were attractive. Girls were always interested in them, but I thought they were gross.
Fast forward, years go by, they go off to college. My best friend and I go off to separate colleges. I see all of them much less, but keep in touch with my best friend.
Which brings us to the past year; my life has been chaotic to say the least. In the bright moments I get to see my friends and go on vacations with them. On one of our girl trips, I tell my best friend about a NSFW dream I recently had. Before I tell her, I ask her if she really wants to know what my dream was about. She blurts out, “oh my god, you didn’t have a dirty dream about (said brother 27M), did you?” I started laughing, shocked that she would even guess that, because I’ve never shown any interest in her brothers. I tell her it was so random and out of no where, I still haven’t seen her brother in years at this point and I’ve never thought about him like that. It’s in that moment that she mentions he moved back in with his parents, because his lease was up. We didn’t talk about him much after that.
More time goes by and shit continues to hit the fan in my life. I start moving my things slowly into my best friend’s family’s house. Every time I make a trip over there, I hope he’s there. And to my luck, he usually is. I tried to put that dream to the side, I have to act normal. I can’t mess up this living situation.
In our short moments running into each other I try to keep conversations friendly. We don’t really know each other at this point and I don’t want things to be awkward by the time I move in. He’s always friendly and smiles at me, but he would barely make eye contact or talk to me.
I finally mention it to my best friend one day. I asked “why doesn’t your brother really talk to me?”. It was honestly my own insecurity that maybe he doesn’t like me and it would be awkward once I officially moved in. She responded, “(brother 27M) is just awkward around girls. He doesn’t know how to talk to them.” I told her I shouldn’t really count as a girl since I grew up with them. She just leveled me with a look and says, “Sure, but when was the last time you’ve seen him? You aren’t a little girl anymore”. She was right, I’ve changed a lot since he’s last seen me. I’ve never been “ugly” but guys notice me more and more the older I get.
Once I moved in, things started to get better. He started talking to me more, goofing around. We would all watch movies, cook dinner and eat together. I’m not going to lie, I’ve definitely been a bit flirty. Even in front of his family, including my best friend. Just a small comment here or there. But that not out of the norm for me. My friends have always said I’m a huge flirt even when I’m not trying.
Now is probably a good time to mention that I have no poker face most of them time, and he is HOT. On the rare occasion that he’s come out of his room without a shirt on, I know my face was beet red.
At this point their whole family has made comments to me or both of us, alluding that we should date or be together. I honestly feel like they are trying to orchestrate it at this point. I know there’s been conversations about me and him when I’m not around. I think everyone can feel it.
I guess my problem is, that I need safety. I need somewhere to live and I can’t screw this up. I don’t have very many good options, this is the best I have right now. I also know that he won’t be my husband. I’m pretty positive that we have different values, he’s a bit emotionally immature, and I don’t know if he has much drive in him; his parents have always bailed him out. So if anything starts, I’m scared that both of us could end up being hurt.
I really do think I’m developing feelings and I’ve barely gotten to know him. (I’ve only been there a few months now) But he’s kind to me, more gentle and selfless with me than he is with anyone else, and funny. Did I mention he’s HOT??
It doesn’t help that we are sharing a bathroom and I haven’t been with anyone in years. I know it’s probably just the idea of him that turns me on. I just want it because “I can’t have it”, but I feel like my brain is attacking me 24/7. I can’t stop thinking about him. Please help, I need advice.
Thanks if you made it this far and read all of that❤️