TW: mentions of eating struggles.
I really don’t know if I have an ed or not. I don’t make myself throw up or anything, but my stomach drops and my heart pounds when I think about eating, sometimes my hands get shaky too.
I check to see how I look in the mirror pretty much every time I use the bathroom for any purpose. I don’t have a scale at the moment, but when I did, I would check any time I was in the bathroom for any reason as well.
If the number on the scale was too high for me, I would go without eating breakfast or lunch and minimal water, not on purpose but I would forget. I also don‘t really like eating around certain people or requesting food, but this is something I’ve only realized not too long ago.
Recently, I feel I’ve fallen into the same habit of barely eating, as I don’t really like to anymore, but when I do, it feels more like I’m scarfing it down until I feel full, but the feeling doesn’t last long. I usually ignore the hunger for the rest of the day because it happens later in the evening/ night, and I don’t like eating close to when I go to bed but I do drink water when I remember.
Does anyone know what this is or have you experienced it too? What do I do going forward?