u/Equivalent_Ebb_7207

Long story short, my taper was completely fucked by an act of God. Finally ended up recieving a 15 day librium taper to take home. I finished that in December but these withdrawals are going to kill me.

I have no support system, no friends, no job, barely any kind of care. I atleast have a therapist, but I was working with a community mental health program and it was tearing me apart how many issues I was having so I left them.

point being this is torutre. Im alone all day with no money at my moms house in unimaginable torture. Today is even a better day but i still need this to end fast. Im wondering if going inpatient would help get me connected to a psychiatrist and some help faster, i am considering goimg back on, just to stabalize, get wmployment, and get a social life before starting again.

I've been wanting to make a post for a long time now, but everything has been too hard and there's too much to even begin to type concisely.

1 year ago next week was the first time my daily clonazepam was upped by half. I wasn't on these meds for too horribly long, only somewhere around 7 or 8 months ttotal. But for some reason that was enough. Enough to cause the most unbearable, un-processable, indescrible, constant pain.

When I was first taken off the clonaz cold turkey, they then proceeded to reinstate and stop cold turkey and fast taper and switch to diazepam, slow taper, hold steady, taper, Cold turkey, switch to librium, taper off librium, go back to full dose, switch to ativan, back to librium, and off 5 months ago.

It's panic attacks as soon as I open my eyes in the morning. Muscle spasms so bad I had an ambulance called a couple days. No appetite. Legs never stop shaking. Just too many symptoms to even list.

And it's impossible to find help. I don't know what to do or even have the energy and ability to communicate it all any more. Ive rub out of stamina completely; this torture has run its fucking course.

I either need to go back on the benzos, start drinking again, or end it all. I have 4 years sober from alcohol and it's all I have left really. I dont want to reinstate but suicide is also not an option.

tried gabapentin, propranolol, clonidine, methocarbamol, and hydroxyzine. All they do is make me exhausted and dizzy without touching the symptoms.

I don't know what to do anymore and I say that outlook probably 100 times a day, earnestly.

Wondering if I should go inpatient at 5 months off

They won't fear it until they understand it, and they won't understand it until they've used it... 5 months since jump.