u/Equivalent_Minimum_7

I’m feeling so mad for myself right now. I thought I’d be over it by now and wouldn’t care. I thought it wouldn’t bother me to see him out with new people because I know what that feels like. I know what it’s like to be with him. And I know it’s not good.

But I’m so stuck. I’m stuck in the thought cycle that I was the bad one. I caused the problems. He was right that I’m stupid and loud and not as pretty as other girls. he was right to choke me and to hit me and to constantly gaslight me into thinking my asking questions and wanting clarity and to feel heard was too much.

It must be.

I’m mad that his new girl likes what I like. That’s not fair. Sabrina Carpenter is MY thing. I showed him that. And now he gets to use it as a tool to lure in new victims.

I got him the job at the local movie theater after he got fired. I helped him do that. I helped him find his outfit for the first opening night of the fest when he wouldn’t take me two years ago. And now he is taking someone else.

All of this is because I looked when I shouldn‘t. I let my discipline down for one second after seeing him in public for the first time in a year and a half and now all hell is breaking loose in my mind. My friends want me to stop talking about it and stop giving him energy. And I know that none of this matters. What matters is what he did to me and it’s none of my business what is happening now.

I’m scared that this will never not dig away at me. I’m scared I’ll never be able to honor the fact that I got away. I’m scared I’ll never feel safe in myself again.

I'm hoping someone may be able to provide tips or a starting place for more processing and healing.

I experienced intimate partner violence (relationship started February 2024) that overlapped with an outside SA around two years ago, with the relationship finally being cut off in October 2024. I've started dating a new guy who is amazing, so supportive, and listens to my flashbacks and triggers and sits with them and with me. We've been together about 10 months

Two months ago, I saw my abuser for the first time since we stopped contact and since then, my PTSD has really seen an uptick. Some of my friends think this is because I might not love my current partner enough to stop being plagued by my ex. This really makes me sick because I don't look back at him fondly at all. If anything, I look back and think that us being together still would have made the abuse worth it but I know that is a trauma response. Otherwise, I hate him with every fiber of my being and am processing in therapy the truth of our short lived relationship being extremely traumatic.

I am struggling with having these flashbacks and panic attacks while knowing my ex is with someone new again and my finally being with someone new. My therapist has recommended finding someone to do EMDR with - has this been successful for people?