Should I reply to his note?
For context, my avoidant ex (of 3+ yrs) and I broke up for good almost a month and a half ago. He tried to discard me in January which I flatly refused to accept. And I finally ended it after I just couldn’t take the disappointments, his being mentally and emotionally checked out anymore and realized I was miserable because of him. Also a note that I had broken up with him once last May (2025) because he told me he was pretty sure he didn’t want kids after all.
However, he brought my things back and left it with the front desk.
In the box was a note that said:
“Hi. Here are a few of your things I wanted to make sure to get back to you. I hope you are well. I think of you and the pups often, and hope things are going ok with the job search, apartment and [dog names]. I want the best for you, you deserve it. Take care.”
It made me furious, and I want to respond via email or text. I blocked him everywhere else, but don’t know if I should send it. Please let me know what you guys think to the following note:
“Your note made me angry. Reading “I think of you often” and “I want the best for you” feels brutally disconnected from the reality of what this relationship actually cost me.
You left me a ‘nice’ guy goodbye. But where is the accountability?
Where was: “I’m sorry for January.”
Where was: “I’m sorry I tried to discard you because I panicked.”
Where was: “I’m sorry I emotionally shut down, withdrew, mentally and emotionally checked out, and left you confused, grieving, and in pain because I didn’t have the courage to say anything.”
Because I know you don’t understand the damage.
Not just the heartbreak.
The mental damage.
The emotional damage.
The financial repercussions.
The damage to my trust.
The damage to my future.
My trust didn’t break in January. It broke earlier on when I found you back on dating apps talking to other women while we were together. It broke when you told me you didn’t want kids after all. It’s why we broke up the first time.
Then last summer you came back. You talked about a future and convinced me you wanted the same things. Then January happened. And when your words from the summer and December finally needed to match your actions, you disappeared emotionally and tried to discard me. That cowardice changed the way I saw you.
What I don’t think you understand is what happened after January. I spent months grieving while still in the relationship. Months sad but hoping, then disappointed, confused, and slowly dying a little inside. Months slipping into a depression I could barely explain. Months trying to understand you, communicate, fix things, help, and hold onto the person I thought you were in the beginning while realizing potential and reality were not the same thing.
And I really do not think you understand what that did to me.
You knew from date 2 what I wanted: a life partner, a family, a child. You knew time and my future mattered to me.
So I’m angry that I spent years with someone who could never give me real honesty, accountability, emotional capacity, or partnership. I’m angry that I now have to think about timelines, egg freezing, finances, and rebuilding a future I thought I was building with you.
You wrote that I deserve the best. I do.
The painful thing is I spent years believing in your potential.
And what makes me furious is that I do not think you’ll ever understand what this cost me.
And honestly, I think you need therapy. Not as an insult. Because your patterns didn’t start with me. No woman deserves to go through what I did.
And I’m so glad I don’t have to sugarcoat and put things more nicely so you don’t get “overwhelmed” anymore.
Your actions, behaviors, and patterns have consequences.”