TW: abortion
hello reddit. first time posting and i just need some outside perspective. this past month i (29F) found out i was pregnant. being in no position financially (at the end of the month im lucky if i have $50 in my account) or emotionally to take care of a child, i opted to have a medical abortion. i know that this is a politiical issue, but i did what was best for me with the options i had available to me. i will not tolerate hate because of it.
this was an option i was comfortable with until it started happening. it was one of the most painful experiences of my life, passing out after taking the second dose of pills. while i was making the decision and through the first few days i was able to compartmentalize. only afterward have i started to have regrets and have fallen into a depression of what ifs. my situationship turned boyfriend (28M) was super supportive throughout the whole thing, as we made the decision together.
the day i took the second dose of pills we were sitting on the couch, me in a diaper like pad and sitting on a towel, and my now boyfriend sitting and letting me lay on him. he gets a call from his mom. shes frantic from what i can hear, he rubs his hand through his hair, rocks back, mutes his side of the phone call turns and looks at me and says, “my dad died.” he unmutes his side and continues to comfort his mom and clearly is shocked by the news. the next day he needs to leave to go home and be with his family. i tell him to go and be with his family and that i can take care of myself and not to worry about me.
in the wake of his leaving, my best friend/roommate (28 F) has attempted to step up and be “supportive”. From the moment i told her i was pregnant and what i was doing since i would be home for a week unexpectedly. She has newly found god and has been trying to use what shes learning at church in her life. ive known her for 10 years. while she can be selfish shes always been there when i needed her.
After i took the pills and my boyfriend left for home she started dropping hints in the form of little comments that she cant tell me what she thinks about my situation because i wont like it. She said something along those lines a couple of times.
She then was mad i didnt do my chores that week (this is an ongoing struggle, where we BOTH struggle to get things done because of our schedules and are exhausted when we get home). I struggle with depression and was really feeling it after my boyfriend left.
She continued to try to “get me out of it” by insisting i exercise while still actively passing clots from my abortion. I told her i needed to take it easy bc i was in a lot of pain. She also likes to give little speeches to me, about whatever im doing wrong according to her. she dropped more hints she didnt agree with my decision (which is fine, you dont have to), but i did not appreciate the inherent judgement and connotations that her relationship with her god makes her better than me.
Finally, this culminated toward the end of the week, when i went to the gym with her and just walked on the treadmill slowly. This is an ongoing argument also, because she can’t do anything alone and then gets mad when you dont want to do what she wants. Specifically about the gym, she tries to guilt trip me into going because of my weight bc on some level it disgusts her. She says it under the guise of wanting me to be healthier, but when I go to the gym i actually work out. with a warm up cardio weights stretching the whole thing. She goes and bikes with zero resistance and does a few squats and is satisfied. So the gym is different for the two of us.
Anyway we are coming back from the gym and she asks me to cleanse the house with sage. I ask her why. She says because shes being haunted. Shell regularly exaggerate things so i needed to inquire more to see whats actually going on. She says she is having psychic dreams about my “baby” knowing what it looks like, the gender, and that it talks to her. I pushed her a little for this info, but ive been growing more and more concerned for her mental state lately. shes alienates a lot of our mutual friends with her self destructive behaviors. I tell her she should talk to her new therapist about that. She said that her therapist would say she has “the gift”.
Later i was processing out loud, and she told me that i have until june to be over this and that i wouldnt get any sympathy from her for it after that. I told her i would heal on my own timeline. she then launched into a speech about how i have a rain cloud over my head and that while she has an umbrella and rainboots shes getting wet too. She said more things after that but i cant remember bc i disassociated a little. I didnt respond to her because i had started to cry and just went to bed for the night.
Ive been avoiding her since. My boyfriend isnt due back for another 2 weeks. AITAH for feeling unsupported because she’s making my traumatic event about her? or is she out of line?
sorry for the grammar, i typed this on my bus commute to work.