How to work with the belief that nothing I will work anymore
I think I've realised that underneath my chronic fatigue, depression, and neurodivergent burnout is the belief that I cannot succeed in life. How might I work on this belief in EMDR?
I've always found work/study extremely hard due to undiagnosed (until recently) autism and ADHD. Despite this I've always put in tons of effort and managed to get good qualifications and worked as a healthcare professional for a while, until I burnt out.
I was always so keen to work hard, to do a good job, and to improve things, and I believed I would reap the rewards eventually. I thought I would buy a home, enjoy my career, pursue my hobbies, spend time with friends and family, achieve a degree of financial security, etc. I gained and lost some of those things along the way, and some of them I've never achieved. Over time I've been struggling more and more until I couldn't see the point not anymore.
When I was younger I had more energy and was able to mask pretty well. Now I'm older, far less able to mask, and have way less energy. What's more, my qualifications are worth less now and the cost of living, especially housing, is so much higher relative to wages. I feel the gap between what I'm capable of and what's needed for a good life has only grown with time. I desperately need security and yet I can no longer muster anything to use to create it. I'm in midlife with no career, dwindling savings, a miniscule pension, no house (stuck renting), and I feel I can never catch up - not to other people but to what I need for a safe, secure, happy life.
I'm seeing my therapist next week, but I'd love your input, as this subreddit is so amazing at coming up with helpful insights and ideas.
I want to get back to being the happy, optimistic version of me who believes I can achieve my goals and succeed in my life. I can't even look at possible jobs that might work with my autism and ADHD because I cannot get beyond the fact that my brain thinks I'm broken, the system is broken, it's all a trap and a scam, and it's impossible for me to succeed. Any ideas on how I could get there through EMDR would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance fellow travellers.