I don’t have motivation for life
I haven’t really accomplished anything besides Highschool. I dropped out of college and live with family. My whole day is waking up, drinking coffee, walking around, watching videos, playing games, going to bed and doing it all over again the next day. Sometimes my family would drag me out of me room to go do something but I wouldn’t be with them mentally. I would have passive suicidal thoughts on my mind 24/7 and would want to go back to my room to watch videos.
I know therapy would help. I know medication would help. I just don’t have any motivation to get help. I don’t have motivation to tell my family what I’m actually thinking or feeling. I think I’d just get annoyed or angry and stop talking. It feels easier to smile and say ‘I’m fine’ than ‘I feel like I’ve been wasting your money and effort to keep me alive and I’m sorry for dragging you along for years’.