Is my [30F] boyfriend’s [30M] family being unreasonable by expecting us to wait 2.5 years to move in together, given our age and desire to have children?
My boyfriend (32) and I (30) have been dating for 7 months. Because of his work schedule, we currently only see each other for overnights every other weekend. We are very serious, and marriage and kids are a very real goal for our future.
Recently, we hit a major roadblock. His family expects him to wait 2.5 years before moving out because they financially rely on his contribution to help cover the household expenses. He currently makes minimum wage but pays $800–$1,000 a month to his mom in rent, plus extra for house repairs and vet bills. His sister and brother-in-law (also 30) live in the basement and split the mortgage with the mom. My boyfriend is not on the mortgage or deed and has zero equity. Meanwhile, his sister and BIL got to date for a decade and hit all their milestones before choosing this living arrangement.
Because we met in our 30s, we simply do not have the luxury of time to coast for years. Stalling living together for nearly three years pushes back our entire timeline and directly threatens the possibility of us having children biologically.
Furthermore, I live alone and recently took a significant pay cut. A single paycheck doesn't cover my rent. The longer we wait, the more my own savings are drained, making it even harder to save for a family. While staying home gives him a financial safety net to find a better job, it is actively costing me my own stability.
We had a highly emotional conversation where I told him I couldn't put my life on a 2.5-year hold for his family's finances. We reached a compromise:
A hard timeline of early 2028 (1.5 years) for him to move out, giving him a firm runway to upgrade his job.
He will start spending multiple weekdays/overnights at my apartment now so our relationship can actually progress.
He needs to firmly state this timeline to his family rather than negotiate it.
Where I Need Advice:
My boyfriend was incredibly emotional because he feels stuck between his family's financial expectations and our future. I’ve told him I am stepping back to let him handle the discussion with his family, but I want an objective perspective.
Is his family being completely unreasonable to expect a 30-year-old man to freeze his relationship and family goals for their budget? How can I best support him in standing his ground without overstepping?
**TL;DR:** My boyfriend [30M] pays $1k/month to help his mom and sister/BIL with their household expenses. They want him to wait 2.5 years to move out so they don't lose his income. Because we met in our 30s and want children, I [30F] feel this timeline is impossible and stalls our future. We compromised on 1.5 years. Is his family being unreasonable?