Is it time to let go?
I feel like I know the answer here but could just use some support/reassurance from others who have gone through this...
My sweet boy Coquito had a neurological episode in Sept 2025 (genuinely not sure what happened, I came home from work and he was wobbling, by the time I got into a neurologist 2 days later he had almost no use of his back legs - still had some motor function and deep pain sensation, I think we said Stage 2). Neurologist clinically diagnosed IVDD and since he was already 14 at the time of course no MRI or surgery was done, opting for conservative management.
I tried crate rest and prednisone, the steroids gave him horrible GI distress which created constant clean up and stress for me (and he was obviously not happy to be sick/pooping everywhere). He had a lot of muscle wasting from the lack of movement - zero progress with his 12 weeks on rest and in fact his mobility got worse. From there I started him in an intensive PT program, 2x a week cold laser, red light, acupuncture and ice/massage plus manual exercises to stimulate his feet and rebuild his muscle tone, etc. eventually graduating to hydrotherapy on the water treadmill, so on and so forth.
I did his at home exercises religiously (and still do), and spent thousands of dollars on his rehab. He he has gained sensation and some motoring back and he can stand up for short bouts on his own, and we can do short walks with like 20-30% support in his help-em-up harness. He hasn't made any further progress since like February, this is pretty much what we've got to work with.
This might all sound promising, but I live in a 2nd story walk up apartment (no elevator, I have to carry him up/down several times a day), I don't have a yard, and it is really really hard to manage his mobility. Plus, I travel for work about 50% of the year and at this point he needs to be medically boarded every time I leave as he needs more care than a sitter can provide. That alone is costing me a fortune.
His birthday was in April and at this point he's 15, he now cannot fully evacuate his bladder and often can't poop on his own without assistance/stimulation, he's had 2 UTIs in the last 3 months due to the weak bladder issues, and we just had another bout of severe GI distress with no known cause where there was blood and loose stool leaking all over for days. Most recently he's started having pee accidents inside as well which is just totally unlike him. His weird little Boston body shape doesn't accommodate a diaper well so I kind of have to just put him on pee pads and constantly clean up. At his last boarding intake the vet told me he has lost 0.9kg within the last 3 weeks - kind of the most recent really bad sign in my opinion.
He's been on 3x a day gabapentin since September and lately he will just whine/whimper constantly if his meds wear off. He's restless and whining until the meds hit and then he pretty much spends the whole day sleeping on the couch next to me. He eats and drinks just fine and he will still do some playtime with me, and he LOVES getting outside to sniff on his walks, but he's definitely not his old self.
I feel so guilty for not spending more money, more time, or putting in more effort to try and help him. I feel like if he had an owner that had a yard, or didn't have stairs, or didn't travel maybe he would have a better outcome or a longer life. But at this point it's been almost 10 months battling this with him and I feel like I need to let him go peacefully.
Idk - guess I am just hoping for some reassurance that I did what I could and it is time to say goodbye. I wouldn't wish this type of slow decline on anyone, it is actually torture to make a call to euthanize an animal like this...any support helps.