Some help and insight on everyone else's relationship experience.
Hello,
I would like to first say, this is basically a continuation of my first post here. This girl and I have been dating for going on 6 weeks, we were friends at first for months, and then it progressed. We haven't been perfect, mainly my fault, with keeping the boundaries I set in order to prevent certain sinful things. Mainly it has been just small incidents of some lip kissing, and then since i have a truck, we would lay in the bed. We wouldn't be close but I noticed the last time we were kind of in the laying position for "spooning", didn't mean to but I also didn't correct it because i thought it was my perfectionism getting to me.
Anyway, Her and I entirely believe we are the people that God has for each other, she has some sin issues, nothing crazy, and it is the things I suffered from as well at her age and still am going through a bit of process for. The issue I have is my mind, my mind in either loud or can be very quiet voices just keeps repeating "she isn't it, she isn't it, she isn't it". Granted, to an extent, she might not be in the sense of not this version and I just have to be patient and help her. I am wondering if anyone else has experienced this before? Her and I prayed on this relationship for weeks, possibly months, before we started and we have progressed so far so naturally. She doesn't give me anxiety or stress and I try my best to not do it to her. We both want to grow close to God together, we will pray before eating, and every now and then, trying to get better at it, we will pray over the relationship. We have opened up just about entirely to each other as well, from our past, to what we want and enjoy in the present and for the future.
I just can't get over this stupid mental thing, I am not sure what it is. Half of me says it is just my mind and that I am overthinking. I do have a slight amount of ADHD. I suffer from perfectionism as well and i am pretty sure scrupulosity because I have OCD. The other half is saying it is God and that this was not meant to be a thing and this or that. That side never gives me a concrete reason, just says "not it, not it, not it" and I want to say it is also because I am hyper-focusing on her sins. They are just some, minimal, swearing, gossiping, and saying "Jesus" when upset or confused that I can think of right now. She knows about them and she knows she has to work on them (its mainly only at work that it happens), her past is not the best and I said I will be patient and help her. I just also wonder if it is doubt as well since she is my first relationship that if this is all that is.
I guess i am just looking for help and guidance and prayer if you want. To me, it doesn't make sense for God to bring us 2 together in the way he did just to be like "Nah, not it chief". That's the one thing i keep remembering, its how he did it and what led to it. Thank you for reading.
I will add, for the 3 weeks before we started, I prayed about it for a long time and she did as well even long before I did, the first 2 weeks of it I just kept getting an indescribable love that kept growing, and that I still have. I did pray that if it wasn't supposed to be take it away. Did I still have hope and faith she was it then? Yes, however, I know it is God's hands. And everyday without fail or prompting it just kept growing for her.