u/EstroWeenie

I have the privilege (misfortune) of working with vintage clients at my job. I'm slowly trying to present feminine, but I'm on eggshells about it because the people I help and work with are vocal conservatives (Trumpers, h8 tran ees, hurting kids etc). My interactions with people are usually normal, but occasionally I do get the side eye and weird comments. I'm worried I'm starting to look visibly trans and it makes sick to my stomach thinking about it everyday. I don't know how I'm going to figure out navigating as someone who doesn't fully pass.

Today, this sweet old lady made me feel seen. We finished business and as I waved goodbye, she squints her eyes at me, holds my palm, and whispers "Don't take shit from no one ok?" OMG bless whoever grandma that was, I think I'm gonna delay roping for now.

I remember starting to use 4chan and tttt spaces because I thought the boymoder memes were cute. Like omg I can be a boy who looks like a cute girl but tell everyone im justa boy, you're embarassing meee!!

wouldn't it be so funny to have people you've known for a long time, tell you how feminine you are starting to look? I should totally transition because it gonna be soooo hilarious when I'm suddenly a woman, its like a cool party trick ahahahahaha.

I'm reaching the end of the euphoria phase, all that awaits me now is IRL repercussions because I chose to transition at a disadvantaged point in my life. I'm so lostttt and alone, despite seemingly having everything on the surface. I could be a thriving cism that doesn't spend most of their time on the internet, but instead im a cism on estrogen who wants an excuse to exit irl.

However, I'm gonna wait for my family to disown me first, I was never giving them a grandchild anyways.

I'm gonna wait for my close friends to spit in my face first, because everyone is growing up and will see me as a regressed mentally ill weirdo

I'm gonna wait for my cushy conservative job to fire me first, because having an optics nuke of a trans person is a liability that can't be ignored.

I know a lot of us would be fixed if we had proper communities and support systems. It feels like I belong no where, all I want to do is sui post into this deepest blackest void.

I got recommended to a transfem therapist that transitioned at 40. Is there hope for a lateshit like me to gain honfidence and live a happy life?

Im a very gullible person, I want to hear success stories so I can force myself to go. But actually, please tell me how useless therapy is so I can save monies for surgeries ill never afford.

Maybe ill have enough saved to do something fun before I roop.pe.

Every seemly perfect student, content creator, or successful person deep down, battles with their own feelings of worthlessness. Im striving to be a better, true version of myself, but that can only happen if I live everyday like I'm never enough.

Im always starving and eat 1600 calories a day because ill never be skinny enough.

Im happy doing squats at gym, but cry in my car after because having nice legs doesn't make me a woman.

I practice makeup and feel a little glimmer of hope, but truthfully, I believe ill never be pretty in anyone's eyes.

I create diary posts to vent my experience as human being, but i feel sick after, because my content offends your eyes. Its dogshit no one wants to see.

Im infinitely jealous of anyone who is able to express self love, and envious of anyone else who isnt in the same prison I built for myself. I cannot be successful without the constant humming drone. I cannot live fully without the urgency that tomorrow could be my last, dead by my own hands.

I was speaking with a grandfather with his grandchild today. Old people will literally joke about any dude with long hair, "hello sir....or should I say miss 😏, some people like to pretend nowadays heh heh".

I let out a nervous chuckle, and his grand daughter around the same age as me, looks at me with unamusement and broaderline disgust 😒. Its not even malefailing in a cute way, its just f@@g0+ passing

Im so tempted to just cut my hair short to just boymode in peace. That's twice recently I felt humiliated by the "we can always tell crowd".

I need to become a tech tr@n<y or something, i want a job where people dont look at me fuckkkkkk!!!! How do I learn to not care? I feel like im just one bad day away

Every day that passes I grow into a boomerhon, another chance quietly leaving, to experience the chemical of young trans love. Even if it lasts for only a fleeting moment, I think I'd still cherish it for the rest of my life. I don't need forever. I just want to know that, for one instant, the world aligned.

I want to leave behind a memory in someone's heart.

The feeling of my hair slipping through their fingers. The scent of my perfume lingering on their clothes after a hug. The softness of my voice when I whispered close enough that only they could hear. The quiet moments that seem insignificant until they're all that's left to remember.

I just want to have existed so deeply in someone's life that, years from now, they pause for a moment and smile because they remember, we were young and dumb. Fmst virgin life

when I do finally pick the r@pe, I hope my last memory won't be of posting and scrolling on the traainy h8 machine.

No cisf relationships, no sex, no touching! Please don't ever post a picture where you're prettier than me or mention your traits I imagine having. if you do, I will threaten to rope in front of you! FUCK YOU, imagine something graphic happening to me now!!!!

I hope you learned your lesson about existing in my presence, because I don't want to be reminded of how much of a loser failure neverpasser freak I am. Stop telling me to put in effort because its over! I won't even give myself the chance. Feed my learned helplessness please!! PLEASE!!!!!

Since starting HRT last year, ive been isolating and becoming increasingly more incompatible with my long time friends. Part of that is maturing, part because im trans and they're all terminal chuds/dudebros.

I dont want to accept it, but im only friends with them because im an introvert and have a hard time making new friendships that last. Im a soulhon because I dont go out of my way to find people who match my energy. Its painful to prepare for the rejection of coming out, and I dont want to end up alone 💔

I've been crying so much lately, thinking im too socially stunted to make real connections, to find love.......im going to start by using tagmap and actually talk to other trans people irl.

Can anyone share their good/bad experiences on Tagmap or any other places?

I've been voice trainning on and off unconsistantly for a few years now, even before I transitioned. While my trained voice is androgynous, ive hit a plateau where I need to talk to actual people to improve the next step.

Im terribly shy, especially with letting other people hear my trained voice. I freeze when trying to have a conversation, even anonymously online.

recently I got back with my toxic ex, Counter Strike. I figured since the game is not likely to ban me for saying slurs and hateful shit, I might aswell practice my voice in a very mean way. If they hate me for being a tr00n or woman im already calling them slurs anyways.

Im not a toxic person irl, but putting on the shoes of a toxic chud who sounds fem let's me disassociate enough to voice train with live people. Im honestly having alot of fun with it and gaining confidence with how I sound, minus the occasional harassment.

I just wanted to share my terriblely toxic win today. I know i need real hobbies. Maybe ill have enough self esteem to talk to normal people someday.

Went to a show tonight and got sniffed by a cute chick. She grabs my shoulder and yells in my ear: "what perfume are you using!". I disinteresting tell her I'm using Kenzo Amour and don't really carry the conversation so she pinches my cheeks then waves goodbye.

NEETing for so long has ruined my social skills, I want to break out acting like a nonchalant moid 🤮and at least f@gmode for once so I can make cisf friends. I could've asked what perfume she was using, complemented her outfit, or literally anything.

How does social transitioning work???? Never mind passing or not, if I still have male etiquette and sound like moid. FMSTL how do I not be a soulhon with zero female socialization?

Also my name is Julia, and my purpose is to invade women's spaces.

Loneliness is starting crush my spirit, so im going out of my way to not be a complete loser for once. I wish my name was Julia but im not built for these fast sex apps...

So far its just disgusting moids who barely act human, A decent convo with a FTM that went nowhere, and a gymbro who got cold feet.

I feel so disgusting and worthless....nobody wants a boy who looks like a tr@nny tro0n hahaha hahaahaha

I had all the time in the world to transition as a degenerate repper NEET. Days that could've been spent learning makeup, voice training, or making more friends was wasted on bed rotting.

now that I'm forced to touch grass 🤮, I live with this constant fear that if I don't effort max enough today, im going to be a man with tits walking around pretty soon.

I think in 5 years effort is a good timeline. If I don't make it, my cranium gonna be sm00v off.

So white chicks was playing on a TV while I was working today

lady staring at me: "yeah their faces end up like that because they don't transition so young"

😭😭😭Can I boymode in peace without being reminded im a freak

I'm sort of happy everything about me is slowly changing, but it's causing me to distance myself from family and childhood friends.

When I came out to a close relative not too long ago, It didn't go as well as I hoped. Coming out left me with a deep feeling of worthlessness, like I was too underserving of love. Even with time, and all struggles we experienced together, thats still not enough give even a little bit of understanding to someone you claim to "love like family". Im gonna HRTrepp and never say a word about my transition to anybody.

FMSTL I wish someone I care about actually gave a shit. No one is coming to save you

I had a dream last night where I fell in love with a poon. We both didn't fully pass, but it was cute. He had his arms around me so I could feel warm and protected. The dream made so happy, it was like something important was taken from me when I woke up.

I'm so lonely but the thought of someone seeing me as I am right now, disgusts me. While everyone around me is forming stable relationships and getting married, I'm here yearning about an imaginary poonchad bf.

Every part of me is saying to wait until you're comfortable with your body, but im just watching my prime years go by. I think its time to boof prog....