u/Et_gen_3

I’ve been playing League of Legends for 13 years now. I still remember those first matches with the friends who introduced me to the game.

Like many other LoL players, over the years the “casual” side of the game gradually gave way to tryharding in ranked. I was never especially talented, but I enjoyed my small victories along the way. From Silver to Gold, then Emerald... and I missed Diamond by just two wins (peak E1 70 LP)

Sometimes I stepped away from the game for several months, but I always came back whenever other games started to bore me and I needed something more “adrenaline-fueled.” In that sense, League has always been my gaming “comfort zone.”

But during those stretches of weeks or months when I play, I always end up falling into self-destructive cycles. I can have fun for a few weeks, I can enjoy improving and winning... but eventually I always spiral into tilt and “autopilot” grinding that feels dangerously similar to addiction.

This is not the first time it’s happened. It’s 4 in the morning, I’ve wasted the entire day chasing wins that I felt I “deserved” after being trolled, only to keep losing over and over. I blink once, it’s a beautiful midday full of possibilities; I blink again, it’s 4 a.m., -300 LP, and a disgusting feeling of emptiness and helplessness.

I don’t know whether this game is inherently more problematic than others, or whether the problem is me. I know many people share this feeling. Either way, this is where I stop. It’s been a journey with many good and bad moments; undoubtedly unforgettable. But there’s nothing left here for me that justifies my time anymore.

Take care, and gl.

The Context:

I've been studying Quareia for two months now, most of which I've focused exclusively on meditation. Only very recently (a week ago) have I started with tarot; I've never used a divination system before, so I'm still quite ignorant on this subject.

Creating this post wasn't an easy decision, as both the course and the study guide make it clear that I should find solutions to problems independently rather than asking for help. Therefore, I feel I might be making a mistake right now. But I also feel that, for this specific question, the knowledge of those with more experience than me could provide key insights for my development. I trust that time will show me if the approach that led me to post this is correct; until then, I'll consider it a potential mistake that I'm willing to make for the possible benefit I might gain from it.

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The Issue:

I obtained a Rider Waite deck as indicated in the course; In my city there's only one esoteric shop, and I preferred to go there and buy it in person rather than order it online. I wanted to see the place with my own eyes, since I imagine this path will lead me to have to buy materials often.

The owner, a very nice woman, told me she only had one Rider Waite deck left: a slightly smaller edition than the standard one. I asked if anything else was different besides the size, and she assured me no: they were just slightly smaller cards, everything else was exactly the same.

So I bought this deck and proceeded with the keywords for the Major and Minor Arcana, guided by what the illustrations conveyed to me and by what the booklet indicated. For some cards, the keyword appeared in my mind clearly, without any opposition. Others were a bit more resistant, forcing me to carefully weigh the different meanings suggested by the booklet and the illustration so as not to choose a word that fell too heavily into one of the possible meanings, completely ignoring the others. This kept me focused for long periods on some of the more challenging cards, trying to discern the "core of their identity" among so many different meanings suggested in the booklet. These "long doubts" don't worry me, as I assume they are precisely one of the objectives of the exercise (forcing the apprentice to really dig into each card instead of assigning the first word or meaning that comes to mind.)

However, I can't help but think that with some of the cards I've ended up selecting keywords that stray too far from what the card conveys to me... in an attempt to make it fit all the meanings presented in the booklet. This has happened with a few cards (fewer than 10), but to avoid making this post too long, I'll only show the Page of Pentacles, which in my native language is called the "Sota de Oros"

https://preview.redd.it/9dm2ym86xrzg1.jpg?width=2256&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fb41fb7dc56c14079f6edf1634b9570128a6b465

Translated into English, the card's divinatory meaning, according to the booklet, would be: “Application, erudition, studies, reflection. Another interpretation refers to news, messages, and the bearer of those messages. Also, government, command.”

For the reflection and erudition aspect (which coincides with what the card's illustration conveys to me), I certainly feel that the keyword I would choose represents the card. However, having to also represent the part of the card that refers to messages, messaging, government, etc., makes me feel "restricted" to a very diluted keyword, one that moves away from the "important" part of the card.

The lesson in Quareia indicates that the keyword “must work for me” but at the same time should “reflect the book's description.” But is it possible to combine erudition, messaging, and governance into a single word without diluting each of these three aspects too much?

I see 3 possible answers to this situation:

1. I still need to delve deeper into the cards, and indeed, there are keywords capable of encapsulating all their meanings in a single common theme. Keywords that I can't yet identify due to my lack of experience.

2. The booklet throws out too many words and too many meanings for some of the cards, and I simply should have ignored those that stray too far from the “central theme” since they only lead to inaccurate keywords.

3. Something completely different that hasn't occurred to me yet or that I haven't been able to interpret while reading the lessons. Something important that I'm not taking into account.

Any thoughts on this?

Even knowing that I have some Minor Arcana cards with weak keywords that I'm unable to improve, would it be wiser to jump into the first tarot exercise and let the practice itself guide me to correct them, or should I consult a different tarot text/book that can help me first replace them with more "solid" keywords? (with the risk of this throwing even more meanings into the mix, confusing me even more)

And finally: If I find a keyword that better represents one of the cards than the one I'm currently using, can I replace it at any time, without limits? Or should I respect the original keywords and give them more time?

Thank you for your perspective.