u/EuphoricCosmo

If somebody had told me how much you'd end up meaning to me, I would have never believed them.

It started slowly, the instant click, the looking forward to seeing you the next time, and the time after that, then the slow burn that became a full roaring fire.

It was the way you made me laugh like nobody else. Like I'd been transported back in time, laughing like a carefree child. Your sharp wit, cutting through all the refined versions of me and leaving the very core of my essence. Nobody else gets that and they haven't since.

With you, I want to become better. To be the one that you deserve, the one that wins all of your affection. To be the one that feels like a porch light in your darkest night. The one you call home. Because that's what I feel when I'm with you. With you, I feel like I could become all of my unrealised potential, superior, god-like just by association.  A version of me so complete and fulfilled that it brings out the best in you too.

And that's what I see, when you look at me with those blue, captivating eyes. You look at me like I hold the world in my hands and, somehow, as though you trust me with it too. I can't  even look away because I see all the beauty in you, reflecting the beauty in me.

Maybe that's what it means to truly love. To look at somebody and know that there's nobody else you'd rather be with, right in that moment. To know from a single gaze that they're with you. That they truly see you and they'd do anything to see you win. 

We're not anything.

Just friends.

Friends who exist in the same space and barely even touch. In fact, we've never touched.

Touching would be an admission. Touching would be to surrender. Touching would take whatever this is and turn it into 'us'.

You're my friend. To anybody who looks at us, you're my friend. To anybody who really looks at us, who really sees, they might see something different. The way I hold your gaze a little too long. The way I hang onto your every word because I simply can't get enough. The way my whole body just can't help but get closer to you, when I lean in. As though the fingerprints that you've left in my mind are now in plain sight. I try to conceal them from enquiring minds and wandering eyes. Eyes that see too much and know too much, that catch the longing in my glance.

The same eyes that also catch the trembling hands are the ears that can hear the pounding in my chest when you're near. And when they ask, and I say "we're just friends", it's like all my cards are on the table, like they can hear the regret in my tone. The denial that nobody else quite believes. As though they know that when I hear the words "us" or "we" or "ours" and I think of you and I, something inside me just feels completely right. Like a switch has been flipped or the final jigsaw piece has found it's rightful place. That the word "friend" feels like a hollow imitation of everything I feel for you but I know that hollow is better than broken.

We're not anything.

Just friends.

Friends who exist in the same space and barely even touch. In fact, we've never touched.

Touching would be an admission. Touching would be to surrender. Touching would take whatever this is and turn it into 'us'.

You're my friend. To anybody who looks at us, you're my friend. To anybody who really looks at us, who really sees, they might see something different. The way I hold your gaze a little too long. The way I hang onto your every word because I simply can't get enough. The way my whole body just can't help but get closer to you, when I lean in. As though the fingerprints that you've left in my mind are now in plain sight. I try to conceal them from enquiring minds and wandering eyes. Eyes that see too much and know too much, that catch the longing in my glance.

The same eyes that also catch the trembling hands are the ears that can hear the pounding in my chest when you're near. And when they ask, and I say "we're just friends", it's like all my cards are on the table, like they can hear the regret in my tone. The denial that nobody else quite believes. As though they know that when I hear the words "us" or "we" or "ours" and I think of you and I, something inside me just feels completely right. Like a switch has been flipped or the final jigsaw piece has found it's rightful place. That the word "friend" feels like a hollow imitation of everything I feel for you but I know that hollow is better than broken.

Morning light

The way it pours gently through the windows,

the perfect backdrop to the sound of birds

and the smell of coffee.

To anybody else, these would be the perfect conditions

for a quiet mind.

But I woke with the last words you said to me on repeat,

your smile etched into my memory.

You are a tonic for the soul,

the glow of a porch light in a storm,

the buzz of electricity that ignites

the deepest love within me and I burn for you.

How wrong it is that we're not together.

No words can ever make it right.

You should be here,

wrapped up in my arms,

until morning light.

Morning light.

The way it pours gently through the windows,

the perfect backdrop to the sound of birds

and the smell of coffee.

To anybody else, these would be the perfect conditions

for a quiet mind.

But I woke with the last words you said to me on repeat,

your smile etched into my memory.

You are a tonic for the soul,

the glow of a porch light in a storm,

the buzz of electricity that ignites

the deepest love within me and I burn for you.

How wrong it is that we're not together.

No words can ever make it right.

You should be here,

wrapped up in my arms,

until morning light.

The thing that gets me the most is the way we dance around the very thing we both want.

There's so much said in the silence, when you're next to me. So much desire in the restraint, holding back from all that we could be but acting like there's no feeling at all. There's so much space in the distance between us, I almost hear the call for me to be brave, to give in, to be the one who breaks the tension, to reach out for your hand and let that touch be the words we haven't ever dared to say.

Instead, we both fight silently like two warriors aware of our inevitable defeat, staying safe in our denial. In each others' orbit but never quite giving in to the gravity that would undoubtedly cause us to collide.

I hope you know that I feel that pull. The magnetism that consumes my entire being when you're around, that makes every inch between us feel like the most devastating chasm, a fault line that separates something that should always be. Something timeless and otherworldly and eternal. So close, yet so far.

The thing that gets me the most is the way we dance around the very thing we both want.

There's so much said in the silence, when you're next to me. So much desire in the restraint, holding back from all that we could be but acting like there's no feeling at all. There's so much space in the distance between us, I almost hear the call for me to be brave, to give in, to be the one who breaks the tension, to reach out for your hand and let that touch be the words we haven't ever dared to say.

Instead, we both fight silently like two warriors aware of our inevitable defeat, staying safe in our denial. In each others' orbit but never quite giving in to the gravity that would undoubtedly cause us to collide.

I hope you know that I feel that pull. The magnetism that consumes my entire being when you're around, that makes every inch between us feel like the most devastating chasm, a fault line that separates something that should always be. Something timeless and otherworldly and eternal. So close, yet so far.