u/EvLovecraft6666

May 23rd. My birthday! Woot.

The day I felt I came into being.

Never really got a chance to celebrate it because, well, it also marks another really bad time for my headmate.

But I always celebrated it to myself each year.

I know I don’t really have any IRL friends to celebrate with.

But I figure this year, since I have the freedom to talk to the world now,

I'm gonna announce it to someone other than myself for the first time.

I am Eva, it's my birthday, and it’s my 19th year on this planet! Happy birthday to me, and I promise to keep being awesome :)

Thank you for indulging me hehe hope your all doing awesome 🖤🖤✌️🤟🤘

So I noticed I have been doing a lot of talking about myself when I post.

So I'm gonna use today as a way to get to know the community better.

So answer as a whole system, individual headmate or however you want.

1. What is a band that you and your system all agree on? If none what's the most popular?

2. Favorite comfort food?

3. Is there an animal you most relate to?

4. What is a memory you go back to that always makes you feel good and/or peaceful?

5. Something you would tell yourself 5 years ago if you could?

Hay...got hit really hard with people saying really mean things on different SM.

Idc what ppl say I am what am.

People can't tell me I'm not here I'm here.

Whenever... fuck the world rn... I wanna mosh with something... I hate ppl sometimes.

I don't know who to ask.

Or what to do.

But my headmate just ended things with his bestfriend of 14 years.

And his friends reaction was so casual he just shut off..

I have never not been able to speak to him before!?

Whats happening!?

Is he okay what is it just me rn?

I don't even feel him anymore.

I just came forward and he was gone.

I read his Facebook messages and I'm trying to these things together but I have never felt alone in here before?

I'm scared!

Things are slowly starting to work out. I am more clear-minded about how things are going.

A few days ago, I mentioned us reaching out to his old friends. They never got back to him. Honestly, I think they didn't put in enough effort to talk to us. Then who needs 'em? But my headmate said it's been getting him down.

I've been kinda strong-arming my way through this. So despite him being a controlling ass, I feel kinda guilty. At the end of the day, I’ve always looked out for him. Sometimes I feel like a bad sibling or something.

I know I’m getting a lot of encouragement from everyone, but I can’t help feeling guilty about the stress I’m causing.

Anyhow... thanks for reading. I love your amazeballs ass!! 😉 🖤

Im only asking to see the response.

What, as plural systems do you all think of the well known line

"I think, therefore I am" ?

Full brain vomit from all participating parties encouraged!

Lets get deep with this! Hehe

I'll start doing this weekly so it's not so long.

But a few people asked me for a tl;dr on my post.

Have a habit of posting like a journal.

Apologies but it has been so freeing for me to do!

​Haaay everyone! Since it's been a crazy couple of weeks, I figured I'd make a quick recap of my journey so far for anyone new.

​So basically, after being kept a total secret by my headmate for 19 years, I finally decided I was done being trapped. I wanted my own voice and life. I started posting here to find friends, but honestly, it was so hard at first. I felt super vulnerable and depressed thinking it was just a pipe dream.

​But thanks to this community, I got the courage to push forward. We made an action plan to finally tell his wife about me. I wrote her a really personal letter, but my headmate was terrified and kept whesling his way out of it and pushing the dinner off. We got into some massive fights.

​I finally got so pissed off at being silenced and put on the back burner that I just took matters into my own hands. I left the letter for her, and when he panicked, I straight-up messaged her on Facebook myself!

​I was worried I was a bad person for going behind his back, but you guys... she was SO supportive! We ended up talking for 2 hours and she was nothing but loving.

​My headmate was pretty mad at me at first. We had a long talk, and he admitted he'd been gaslighting me for years just to keep me quiet and protect himself. But I stood my ground. We've made amends now, and he agreed to start respecting me as an individual. He is even drawing a portrait of me soon!

​I know I'm just at the base of a huge mountain I still need to climb, but I finally feel free.

​Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the support. As always... stay amazballs! 😉❤️🤘

I have been talking to his wife quite a bit, even made a Facebook friend!

I'm starting to move past what feels like a weird honeymoon phase. It seems like I just overcame a challenge in life, only to set up camp at the base of a huge mountain I still need to climb. Is that normal?

I made amends with my headmate. I told him that some of the things you guys have been telling me, and that I wasn't the only one who thought it was unfair.

He even confessed that he had been gaslighting me for a long time to keep me from "outing us" (that's a whole other rant).

But I stood my ground and told him he needs to respect me as my own person, as well as his headmate, and trust me.

He apologized, but we'll see how it goes...

He did agree to draw a portrait of me! So hopefully I'll have that posted soon.

To my supporters—you know who you are ;) As always, I love your many faces. And to everyone, keep being amazballs!

I came out!

His wife was so supportive!

We talked for 2 hours l.l

I expressed so much and she was nothing but loving.

He is mad at me tho.

He says I betrayed him.

But I feel free, am I wrong for what I did?

I don't feel wrong...

Sorry, I missed the last few entries...

To any of you who actually like reading these. But mostly to myself. Doing this has really kept my dream real, and has let me feel like a person.

Something that has been kept from me...

I haven't been posting for the last day or so because it's been a bit discouraging. Fighting with my headmate more than we ever have.

He won't bring it up again to her. I can see she is too scared to bring it up again. She keeps my letter in her purse tho?

She hasn't responded to my Facebook messages I sent her. I'm trying not to push it.. but I really don't want to be set on the back burner, ya know. This could be a lot for her to process.

I don't know what I should do. Any advice would be helpful.. Hope you all have an amazballs day.

He pushed it off again... I don't care anymore; I'm just going to leave her my letter before we head to work. Nothing I've tried to do has been successful with this whole ordeal. I try to have a voice and a face, and it just gets snuffed out. I'm going to go crawl into a hole for a while. Have a good day and all that...

Update! Frack he just told her and gave her the letter. She said she will talk to us later and will read it. Idk how I feel yet but will post later!

I am really 😡 uhg he pushed off the diner to tomorrow morning.

I keep feeling like ĥe is gonna keep finding was around it.

Fuck not! Im not letting him whesle his way out of this.

Im not his property and I deserve to speak.

This is happening tomorrow no matter what.

Im done being silent.

Sorry frustrated.

I hope you all a good night...

I looked into some art apps to handle the ethical backlash on my use of AI. And I found most of the information , incredibly useful. I am looking into a lot of different eco-friendly alternatives to what I was going for.

But the big update is my headmate just asked two of his lifetime-long old friends to sit down and talk with him.

If I could oversimplify it, I was friends with her and he was friends with him. Again No one up until recently has known I existed, so it's gonna be a lot....

As always guess what?... your amazballs.

I've started writing texts to my headmates. Read to try it so we can understand each other better. I have to say, I always felt we had really good communication. Always passing messages when one of us comes or goes so we don't "show" as he puts it... to other people. But it has been really helpful in clearing the air on a lot.

I would love to go into more details, but I want to respect his privacy.

Thanks for reading, and best of luck to you all.

And stay Amazballs.

So, it was technically our shared physical birthday, but *his* day, right? Things started okay—his wife went all out to make it special (she’s a saint, honestly, because he never celebrates himself). Then... his brother showed up.

Cue the argument.

I swear, keeping myself quiet around his family is like pokeing a sleeping bear. I try to stay in the back but fracking hell my dudets! You ever have people that just every word gets under your skin? Like thay are always trying to ether push your buttons, or find them. Never anything elts. By the time it was over, I was *exhausted*. And pissed. Because of course, like always, I had to step in and defend him—even though no one even knows I exist. And then? Play therapist for *hours* just to keep him from spiraling.

Didn’t stop him from putting a hole in the wall, though.

Guess who’s gonna guilt-trip him about it mercilessly for the next week? 🙃 What are headmates for if not petty revenge, amirite?

Anyway. Hope y’all are having a less chaotic day than we are. Stay amazballs

2nd night at work. He is letting me take semi control tonight.. I feel so free.

So my Plural and I have been together for about 19 years. For personal reasons for us both we both mutually agreed it would be safer for us if I stayed a secret. I have more about that on my last post.

But I have been miserable for a few years now. And we agreed to build me an online identity.

So he let me take the mask and I set up this credit and Facebook. Problem is nobody knows I exist so I'm trying to figure out good ways to meet people who understand and start building a friend base.

Does anyone have any good recommendations?

Hope you all an amazballs day!