u/Eva_Lockhart

Recently I've been experimenting with men a lot more. While I'm still trying to figure out what kind of men I like, it's becoming increasingly clear that playing the feminine role is a lot more appealing to me. I made a recent post on r/sissy about my most recent gloryhole experience that was incredibly eye opening and exciting. I won't spoil the details. Warning, very explicit. >!TLDR; I sucked 4 guys back to back, and 2 of them fucked me.!<

One big question, how did I go from a strictly heterosexual man, to now almost exclusively seeking men? I used to have sex with women regularly before. But I realized that most of my pleasure from sex came from seeing her having pleasure. Sometimes I would picture myself being in her position. Sometimes when I was alone at night, I would just close my eyes and fantasize about how it would be like to be fucked by a guy as woman.

Every time I had sex with a woman, I wanted to moan like a girl... but I thought "no, men don't do that" so I mostly kept quiet or tried grunting like a man instead. It always felt a little unnatural, like an act. But hearing her moan in my place was enough, I thought.

When I dated women, I wanted them to do public sex with me. I wanted them to dress very sexy. But that was all a projection, because deep down I wish I could do all those things myself. I was essentially living vicariously through the women I dated, projecting all my wishes onto them. Now that I can be and do all those things, I really don't feel the same need to be with women anymore.

When I am near women now, I still feel attraction towards them, and sometimes very much so. But having sex with women doesn't make sense anymore, at least with ciswomen. How is she going to fuck me? A strap-on would not feel the same as a real dick for me. I would rather be her than be with her.

It's fascinating seeing my AGP progress as I transition. I am almost 8 months on HRT and I think the hormones are somewhat playing a role in all of this change, but yeah. I've basically taken the sissy dream to where I want it to be. I still have many more things on my bucket list of slutty things to do, but I've basically become the slut I've always wanted to be. Having sex with men is so affirming and exciting, and sex with women doesn't even come close anymore.

So it's not entirely true that I am only seeking men now. I love fems of all types, and my first anal experience was with a crossdresser that looked very feminine. I would love to be with a pre-op trans woman. I would try with a ciswoman again if I could. But in general, men, or at least people with penises, are my main area of interest.

Am I still attracted to women? Yes. I get aroused when I see them. I want to be them, also. But sex with women doesn't register in my head anymore. I'd rather have sex with men now.

(EDIT: I wanted to emphasize that this is only how I feel at this exact moment. Things are changing very fast in my life, sometimes to a rate that is hard for me to comprehend. But in the end, things could change again tomorrow.)

Recently I have had vivid fantasies of being with men. This is very strange for me as someone who thought of themselves as a heterosexual man for the vast majority of their lives. It came as quite a shock.

My theory is that my attraction towards men was deeply repressed because well, being with men as a man is gay and I couldn't fathom myself as such pre-transition. But now that I play the feminine role, being with men is just so enticing. And honestly, I think that the boundary between meta-attraction and real attraction is starting to blur. I'm not sure what caused this, but before HRT it was mostly meta. There are no real studies on this, but I honestly believe that estrogen may play a role in this somehow.

But now, I can feel men. I can smell their perfume. When I hug them it feels different. When they hold eye contact sometimes I feel butterflies. I recently started noticing how attractive my best friend of 14 years is (*insert tg erotica here *lmao )

I went to a sex club recently and had the privilege to tease a few men. I eventually gave my first hand job ever through a glory hole. As I laid my hand on it, something just switched in my brain. For the woman in me, it felt like the most natural thing in the world, as if I was born to do this all my life. In my previous life as a guy, that would be the gayest thing ever, an idea that would repulse me to the core.

It's a change I will simply not be able to explain. And I think that the distinction between AGP and HSTS is less and less relevant to me. Although the typology is useful, humans are too complex to be put in simple boxes like this. If I could describe myself, I am most likely somewhere in the middle.

When your sexuality is obscured by gender dysphoria and internalized homophobia/transphobia, then it makes it really hard to accept yet alone explore your sexuality. I think maybe we just gotta lean into it and be honest with ourselves.

Quite frankly, I've never been happier in my entire life.

Hello everyone,

After my YouTube channel got terminated I can't really post videos anymore :(, so I thought I'd make this post explaining a bit how my AGP has changed after 6 months of HRT. I apologize if some of the wording is vague but that's the best way I can describe it.

The first 2 months or so I didn't properly use a T-blocker so the changes were mild, but since adding cypro and upping the E the libido changes have been more significant.

I can say that so far, the changes have been incredibly positive. My AGP has not gone down in any way, but the flavor of it has changed, if that makes any sense. The arousal is not as random, uncontrollable or spontaneous anymore. I would say the libido has certainly gone down a bit in general, but when arousal does happen, it's a lot more pleasant and sometimes just as intense, if not more. The arousal is a lot more mental instead of just in the genital area.

The AGP arousal has shifted from the immediate need to masturbate to a diffused feeling of wellbeing all across my body, like putting on a warm blanket. I do get more like tingly sensations across my body all the way to my fingertips, like a heightened awareness of all my senses.

When I put on a nice outfit and look in the mirror, the arousal I feel is almost spiritual now, like I am just horny to be alive, although I am not technically horny as in "I need to masturbate". Instead of an intense urge, it's a very calm feeling.

The desire to masturbate is a lot less. Just to be a woman is satisfying enough, and I feel that I have full control over my libido probably for the first time in my life. Maybe that's how being aroused like a woman is like, and paradoxically that's the most arousing thing, isn't it lol.

One last thing I'll add. Without getting into the details, I've been fantasizing about being with men a lot more since starting HRT. I am fortunate enough that I may have the opportunity to try in a controlled environment thanks to my very supportive girlfriend.

HRT is nice. I love all the changes so far. The libido goes down, but paradoxically, nothing is more arousing than embodying what it's like to be a woman.

EDIT: Forgot to add that HRT has helped me manage my exhibitionistic urges a lot that were getting a bit out of hand.