Just recently found out his addiction and he’s trying to call my behavior out
About a month ago my entire world got flipped upside down when I found out my partner has a long-term sex/porn addiction, including things he hid from me throughout our relationship. Since disclosure, I’ve been dealing with shock, obsessive thoughts, anxiety, crying spells, feeling unsafe emotionally, and honestly questioning my own reality and self-worth. I’m trying to process betrayal trauma while also figuring out if this relationship can even survive.
What’s really confusing and painful lately is that now that everything is out in the open, he’s started bringing my “issues” and “problems” to the table too. Things like my reactions, my emotions, how I communicate, spending habits, past mistakes, etc. And while I know I’m not perfect and I’m willing to look at myself and grow, part of me feels deeply hurt and almost angry that the focus is shifting onto me only weeks after my entire nervous system got shattered by his actions.
I can’t tell if this is normal in recovery, defensiveness, blame shifting, or if I’m being unfair by feeling hurt about it. I understand relationships are two-sided, but I also feel like I’m drowning trying to process his addiction and betrayal while simultaneously being told all the ways I need to improve too.
Did anyone else experience this early after discovery? Did your partner suddenly start pointing out your flaws once their addiction came to light? How do you separate healthy accountability from feeling like the betrayed partner is being emotionally redirected or minimized?
I feel exhausted, confused, angry, heartbroken, and honestly very alone in all of this.