u/Even_Government1444

I had been with my partner for 4 years, engaged for 3 and friends for a year before dating.

Last Thursday I left with a bag, a broken heart and the desire to heal. Now that I'm outside of the cycle of addiction and betrayal I can see clearer.

I found out about my ex's porn and sex addiction 6 months ago. It imploded my life and almost took me completely out. A month before D day I lost my job and shortly after finding out about the addiction, my ex called CPS on me, and my oldest son didn't want to live in my house anymore and has been staying with his dad. I have lived the most excruciating painful experience in these last 6 months than I have in my entire 38 years of life.

He relapsed twice in 6 months on porn, he went to two SAA meetings a week and saw a CSAT weekly, I was hopeful to see positive change and was proud of how committed he appeared to be. What I wasn't prepared for was how he treated me once his vices were stripped away. The never ending blame shifting, the yelling at me, discarding me, shutting down CONSTANTLY, and absolute unwillingness to truly sit in the shame of his consequences and behavior.

The last month of us together had been the worst. He became increasingly more vile towards me, and basically wanted me and my three kids out of "his house" and he didn't care where we went and that it wasn't his problem. He became a person I do not recognize. And the final straw was him telling me that I don’t meet his needs, and that I wasn’t a safe person for HIM.

I have of course felt a lot of pain and grief since I had left but more than that, I have found a lot of peace. My nervous system has had a chance to breathe. I still struggle with the thoughts of if I did the right thing, was I the problem all along, and was I not worthy of being treated better? I am and I was worthy, and I look forward to a lot more peaceful days ❤️

I finally left and the relief is insane. Never again will I endure the abuse of this man, I will never endure being told I am the problem when he cheated on me over 40 times. I am free friends

I’m still in a bit of shock that I am not seething in anger. My partner and I have been not speaking and not on good terms for a while now. He did not go to his normal meeting on Friday and I inquired about why he didn’t go- he said he didn’t feel like it. Okay whatever. Fast forward to the next morning, he came and found me and for the first time in almost 6 months since D-Day he looked me in the eyes and said he didn’t go to his meeting because he wanted to get high and jerk off and that’s what he did.

I actually am so thankful for his honesty, and giving me the truth freely instead of me dragging it out of him. I don’t know where to go from here but i wanted to see if anyone else experienced anything similar

Almost 5 months past discovery day and it’s just getting worse. His attitude and anger towards me makes me feel like I’m living in an alternate reality. Everytime I bring up my feelings about his sex addiction (which included physical cheating at massage parlors) it gets shifted onto the relationship problems and how I have done him so wrong! I would love nothing more than to leave but unfortunately I have nowhere to go right now.

I am in so much pain by the blame shifting and I don’t know how to navigate this anymore

Newly single, 38F, and no clue where to start! What are some fun places in the area that are also safe? Need to drag myself out of this funk and have some fun.

I am preparing for our full therapeutic disclosure in the next few weeks and I get the opportunity to ask questions. My brain is a bit frozen with this task and would love to know what questions you asked or wish you asked during this process. Any help is so appreciated!

Sorry to be blunt, but yeah, it wasn’t only hand jobs like he previously told me. He had full on intercourse with these women. I don’t understand how this is even a thing, like is there a secret code? Do you just go up and order this? My mind is numb.

I have been working so hard in S-Anon, I have a sponsor, I just started working the steps, I am learning and practicing acceptance that I am powerless over the sexaholic in my life. I am trying so hard to break the bonds that tie me to this man and the low self worth I’ve had my entire life. For the first time in my life, I am working on me whole heartedly. I have been detaching from my partner and not engaging in conversations that I know will start drama.

And yet, here I am, called out of work at a brand new job I only started three weeks ago, bawling my eyes out, can’t get out of bed because I allowed myself to be dragged right back into the shit pit. He decided since he wasn’t getting the reactions that he wanted from me the last week that he was done with me, done with trying and just done. Fine, whatever. I’ve ignored him and let him live his life. Yesterday night he starts wanting to talk about how he wants to be a better person, do better, not be a liar. I can’t keep up with the wanting to be with me and the not wanting to be with me. One minute he loves me the next he won’t even look at me. The conversation did not go well and he ended up uninstalling the covenant eyes app and watched porn.

And here I am, distraught, in pain, and a mess because of someone else’s addiction. I just want the pain to stop. How do you break the trauma bonds when every fiber in my body is wanting to run to the one person I know cannot give me what I need.

I found out about my fiance M(43) porn/sex addiction about two months ago. We have been together for 4 years and finding out this information like most of us was completely blindsided, there was no way the man I loved would engage in such painful and despicable behavior. I begged him to disclose everything and if we had any chance to actually work through this and heal then we had to start at ground 0. He assured me that it was the only happy ending massage parlours and the porn addiction. He promised he didn’t sleep with anyone else.

Fast forward to this weekend and he planned a camping trip for my birthday, it was supposed to be a nice quiet getaway trip to reconnect. From the get go he was off, he randomly started crying yesterday and was just strange. I did something I’ve never done in our relationship and went through his phone. Not only did he bold face lie to my face about having sex with other women, he was also talking to several couples about threesomes and setting up those encounters.

I had initially given myself 6 months to work the program, he’s been going to a CSAT, and two sexaholics meetings a week, we use covenant eyes and I felt like we had a foundation to start from and now I just want to be done. I want this pain to stop and I want my life to be my own again. The problem is I don’t have anywhere to go with my kids at the moment and I don’t know how to cohabit this house together. I am so lost

About a month ago my entire world got flipped upside down when I found out my partner has a long-term sex/porn addiction, including things he hid from me throughout our relationship. Since disclosure, I’ve been dealing with shock, obsessive thoughts, anxiety, crying spells, feeling unsafe emotionally, and honestly questioning my own reality and self-worth. I’m trying to process betrayal trauma while also figuring out if this relationship can even survive.

What’s really confusing and painful lately is that now that everything is out in the open, he’s started bringing my “issues” and “problems” to the table too. Things like my reactions, my emotions, how I communicate, spending habits, past mistakes, etc. And while I know I’m not perfect and I’m willing to look at myself and grow, part of me feels deeply hurt and almost angry that the focus is shifting onto me only weeks after my entire nervous system got shattered by his actions.

I can’t tell if this is normal in recovery, defensiveness, blame shifting, or if I’m being unfair by feeling hurt about it. I understand relationships are two-sided, but I also feel like I’m drowning trying to process his addiction and betrayal while simultaneously being told all the ways I need to improve too.

Did anyone else experience this early after discovery? Did your partner suddenly start pointing out your flaws once their addiction came to light? How do you separate healthy accountability from feeling like the betrayed partner is being emotionally redirected or minimized?

I feel exhausted, confused, angry, heartbroken, and honestly very alone in all of this.