On a journey of discovery, noticing parallels with neurodivergent real people and TV characters, eg High Potential - S1E8, am struggling with motivation to do anything at work or home - do I need dopamine?
In the coffee shop date 2 minutes into the episode I notice Morgan appears to be swinging or bouncing her leg(s) as I can see her body moving. My dad bounces his leg when watching TV.
I also noticed her rubbing her fingers and thumbs together. I do this sort of motion with my fingers - usually a rhythmic motion for minutes at a time.
My nephew has been diagnosed autistic (not enough adhd traits) - his mum/my sister pursued a diagnosis and was told adhd (unable to provide childhood history for the autism assessment) but she also has absolute iron deficiency. She does appear to be very erratic and I always wonder how she can achieve a lot of things she does.
Since I had my child 5 years ago I've been on the lookout for signs of autism. I noticed that my colleague's stories of her autistic daughter almost perfectly mirror me (except her daughter has illogical outbursts such as drowning an alarm clock that didn't wake her).
When I did the Oliver McGowan autism/neurodivergence/learning disability training at work I could see myself in the people documented in the training, but I didn't feel empathy for the grieving mother's story, I just kept asking why she didn't intervene. For me there were holes that left me with questions rather than the intended impact.
I believe I and my 5 year old son are 2e AuDHD and my father 2e Autistic - in maths/science/engineering. A nephew by my brother (one of twins) also appears to have autistic traits, and my brother didn't engage very well at school.
My other sister didn't want children and appears to always be masking (even before I went on this journey I thought she was faking it socially). She seems gifted in buisness/fiance.
I see parallels in Sheldon Cooper (but I'm better socially), Dr Patience Brennan (when she gets better socially), and in Morgan. I wouldn't say I was quite as gifted as these characters though, but I did graduate top of my Master's class in physics. I wouldn't be able to do a PhD as I don't think I'd want to spend years on one topic, but I'd be great at a taught doctorate.
I thrived in a work environment where the rota changed daily and I have a great CV from those 5 years, but I got a promotion in a different hospital where it's the same high focus safety checking all day every day and I have no inertia left. I decline at work through the week, I have no me left for my family at the end of each day/weekends, and my productivity is ridiculously low at work and home. I have nothing to show for 5 years in this workplace.
At home I am just glued to my phone - it used to be googling every thought and going down rabbit holes for hours/days but now it's a daily chat with "AI" to do this research for me. I can only engage with my 5 year old if we are not at home.
I'm struggling so much and don't know what to do. I hate that I'm not there for my son, but I just don't enjoy playing the way he wants. I don't feel depressed, I have literal energy to exercise/go running but not to do anything. I have so much I want to do and so many unfinished tasks at work and home, but I rarely start let alone finish anything.
Do I need to get a formal diagnosis and dopamine would that help me?
This post started as a question about Morgan's subtle behaviours in this scene and turned into an info dump about me and everything I'm working through. I don't know whether to seek a diagnosis for my son. He's not like his peers and he has traits but I think it may be too subtle for an assessment. I don't want him changing/playing up to a label, but I don't want him to fall behind or struggle. His teacher has mentioned a few things, but I didn't tell her my suspicions. He also vegges out on the sofa straight after school and on Sundays.