Coming to terms with it being complete out of my control
My husband is a high functioning alcoholic I think. Maybe not high but he functions pretty well. Only drinks beer, mostly light beer. But a LOT. He’s back to 6-8 a day but much more on weekends. He drinks a few quick in the way home every day and I’ve recently noticed that he’s just drinking them warm because he keeps a case in his truck. 🤢 he will drink while he’s home alone with the kids. Our kids are young. Both under 8.
He seriously thinks he just “likes drinking beer”. We are in marriage counseling but it’s with a counselor who used to work at an inpatient facility. He hasn’t been very helpful but I guess I don’t really understand his approach. We have established that my husband almost never has regrets about his drinking. If he does it’ll simply be because he doesn’t feel great the next day. He rarely gets like, severely hungover though. Nothing a couple morning beers won’t fix. 🙄 also there’s absolutely no reflection on the previous day or wondering if that fight we had could have been avoided if he weren’t drunk. He used to be so much more self aware and humble. And he’s turning in to such a narcissist these past few years. It’s so sad.
Anyway, I’m just at this point where it’s really setting in that I know there’s nothing can do. He almost seems like he has it together enough to see how ridiculous this is with his drinking. But he doesn’t. And after it got bad last year and he got sort of, emotionally abusive..:honestly not even sure how to describe the way he would get after multiple days of 10-30 beers a day over the weekend. It was sort of creepy though. Very uncomfortable. I told myself I’d never let myself and the kids be in that situation again. And although he’s obviously making an effort to act more normal I guess…be more present and involved when he’s drinking, I still know how far it can go and without him acknowledging that he even had the slightest bit of a problem, I know it’ll go there again.
This group has been really helpful for me to understand that there’s literally nothing I can do or say. He has to figure it out. And he’s no where near ready. I really don’t want to take my kids from their dad. I don’t want to leave him. But I know that staying isn’t healthy for me or the kids right now. Ugh I can’t believe I got myself in this position.