My parents crossed the line how much of a relationship should I foster between them and my child?
I am a first time parent with a child under the age of two. For the first year of their life, my mother was a primary caregiver along with me and my partner. She has a very strong bond with my child. I used to make sure that we called her every day so she could see her grandchild because we live multiple time zones apart. Sometimes my child still asks for grandma.
My mother has never understood why I always insist on my child having their own room. When I travel and it’s not possible for my child to have their own room, I insist on them having their own crib. She’s always told me that it’s unnecessary and that kids can get too cold if they’re not sleeping with an adult. She used to ask to have my child sleep with her and my dad. I always said no, and she’d say that she respected my choice but then she would ask again later.
A few weeks ago, I flew with my child and my partner to visit my parents at their home. It was not possible for my child to have their own room because my parent’s house is too small. My parents insisted on having my child sleep with them because they said that me and my partner looked very tired. We were also extremely ill and they felt that we needed to rest. I gave in and I let my child sleep with my parents.
The last morning I caught my parents having sex with each other with my child in the bed with them. I have not spoken to my parents since, and I do not know how to move forward. They knew they were crossing a line. They knew I would be upset. I don’t know if it’s safe to foster any kind of relationship. However, my child still misses their grandparents and still asks for them. What should I do?