Why is it so impossible to find someone to love you?
I am 33F and have struggled with relationships my whole life. I’ve never had a serious relationship/boyfriend because I’ve somehow picked men that lost interest in me quickly every time, leaving after they got what they wanted or choosing someone else over me.
I understand that nobody is the key your happiness but I’m nearly 34 years old and there does come a point where you feel somewhat depressed and worthless because no one loves you, chooses you or wants to be with you. The last one traumatised me so badly, I haven’t touched a man in nearly 2 years because I just can’t bring myself to! However at the age I’m at, time is sort of running out if I wanted to have kids so I want to be positive about things but can’t.
People tell you to “go to therapy” and “heal” but I’ve got a best friend who has so many issues, hasn’t done any of that and still met someone a few months ago who utterly adores her and treats her really well. She’s very happy and I’m now acutely aware I’ve no idea what that feels like and probably never will.
It’s getting to a point where I’m not really seeing the purpose in my life anymore and am struggling to see through the fog. I get I’m not helping my cause by avoiding men in the last 2 years but I’m so devastated from the last one I cannot put myself out there just to get hurt again. I’m completely in survival mode. I guess my question really is did anyone else ever feel this way, at what age and how did you navigate feeling like this? Did you meet anyone in the end or not? How did you survive feeling like this? I’m really very lost and have hated my 30s so far.