I am 25F and have been sleeping with a 19M who I work with.
As I’ve been working with this younger man for the past year, in the last few months I started to develop a crush on him. I just found him incredibly attractive and charismatic, and I could tell he liked me too. I started thinking about him all the time in that exciting crush type of way but knew I’d never do anything about it because the age gap was too weird.. until one day he asked me to hangout. And at this point I was too wrapped up in excitement to say no. We hung out and ended up having sex.
Since then it’s been maybe 7 weeks and we now have sex a few times a week. Once a week he will come to my place for a longer hangout and a couple times a week we will just hookup in my car after work.
I look forward to these times and I look forward to going to work to see him. It’s almost like a sexy role play passing by him and I have almost never been so physically attracted to anybody before. Working together makes the anticipation of sex so much more exciting especially because nobody but us knows. We exchange flirty glances and talk a bit at work but nobody suspects a thing and it makes it even hotter.
My attraction to him is so intense too. With my last partner I had convinced myself I didn’t enjoy the act of kissing. It was just gross and wet. But with him, I crave the taste of his salvia on my tongue and feeling of his lips on mine. Just a sharp contrast for me between partners.
But honestly deep down I’m very ashamed at myself to be so attracted to and made so happy by someone so inappropriately younger than me. It is weird and icky and possibly predatory. And I’ve never thought of myself this way or liked anybody even a year younger than me before. But I find it hard to help myself. The feeling is infectious I haven’t been this excited about anybody in years. At times I’m hyper aware of his youth which can be a turn off for me but also at times I find myself almost feeling a bit maternal and wanting to help him and cook for him and guide him. This isn’t a feeling I’ve experienced for anybody else before. Usually I go for older men who let me sink into a princess role and they always know and do more than me. This experience and feelings that come with it are so new and different for me.
And honestly I love that at his stage of life I know he’s not looking for anything more than this. We hookup a few times a week, text a few times throughout the day. And that’s it. When I see men my own age I feel so guilty because they always end up wanting to date to marry and I don’t feel ready for that. I know I’m getting older and I should want that but I just don’t. The life altering commitment of it terrifies me. I feel so lost and like I don’t know what I’m doing but I’m happier than I’ve been for a while.
That’s my confession.