Is it just me or has anyone else noticed that in the last 6 months or so people have become even ruder and more unhinged if that is even possible??
The shoplifting has also significantly increased
Anyone else have horrible anxiety? I am really struggling mentally and when I tell my mom I need a break or I won't make it she acts like I murdered a puppy.
Is it wrong if me to NEED and expect a break? Am I just supposed to go go go until I just crack? I mentioned respite care and she acts like I am just a horrible person
I worry about when/ if my mother cannot get out of bed unaided, becomes incontinent etc. I will not be able to provide that level of care...physically or mentally.
She is not on medicaid so what do I do if she needs to go into a facility? Am I supposed to live on the street and go bankrupt? I really am so dissatisfied with the medical community and social services..I have gotten zero help
I asked her when the last time was she did her damned exercises and she whined "All I do is sit here like a lump all day what is the point?" PISSED ME OFF..I said that is the problem. You want to be home yet you will not even TRY to do the effing exercises like you are supposed to.
Inevitably she will get too weak to even get in and out of bed and then I will be DONE..I refuse to sacrifice any more of myself. The one thing that could possibly keep her home as long as possible and she will not even try..I just do not get it at all
What the title says..I SERIOUSLY NEED to get out of this house and away from the constant stress and anxiety. I just do not see how it is possible. It is my 34th anniversary this month and I am so incredibly resentful that I cannot even have a little time away with my husband...I am becoming more and more bitter as time goes by and I am not sure how much longer I can tolerate feeling like this.
And I feel like a gigantic selfish piece of crap for even thinking this.
My mom tells me " I can just move in with Bill ( my son) when I tell her I need a break. Um NO you cannot.
What she does not seem to grasp is that if/when the time comes that it is necessary for her to be in a facility it is because her medical needs/ problems exceed what I can deal with at home. What in hell makes her think my son can or even wants to take on all that responsibility.
It just really irritates me for some reason that she seems to think it would be like a sleepover at my son's house.
Has anyone here used out of home respite care? I seriously need a break..my husband and I would like to go out of town for a few days for our anniversary this month.
I just need a break from the constant stress and anxiety or I will seriously not make it
My mother fell twice last night..once in her bedroom which I did not know about..how she got up is a mystery to me. Then in the hallway in front of me. OFF of her walker she fell.. I could not budge her and it took both my husband and I to hoist her up.
She is speaking to a social worker in a couple of days. I am unable to provide 24/7 monitoring of her and taking her to the bathroom every hour at night ( I work swing shift) . She seems ok now but I cannot do it anymore. I told her she needs to ask about going back to rehab to build up her strength..but longer than 5 days this time. I to her this is why I nag you about doing your PT exercises. Now it may be too late.
I am having my own worsening health issues including post menopausal female issues which I need to have tests for and she is falling all over the place. I am hoping she can get into rehab again or I am going to have to utilize respite care because if I don't get a break I am going to have a mental crisis
Not much has changed..mom is still just sleeping most of the day on the couch
The other day she asked me what was wrong and I said I am tired and never get to relax ( it was my day off) She said oh you have all day to relax. Yeah??? Since fucking when ??
I am just feeling so guilty for feeling so resentful. She gets her breakfast prepared and served to her then plops on the damn couch to just sleep. Does her exercises when I nag her. I am just done.
I am getting no joy or satisfaction from being a 24 hour unpaid nursemaid and I feel guilty for feeling so angry. I just want my life and time back. Kudos to all of you on here for doing this for years..I cannot do it
Exactly what the title says..she wobbled in her bedroom and thankfully I was right behind her and grabbed her arm..it was not easy to steady her either. I lost it..I told her this is exactly why you need to do your exercises instead of sleeping on the couch all day. She whined " I do them..I won't fall. I said you do not do them and if you fall again you need to go back to the rehab facility
I cannot take care of her if she cannot even walk around the house without falling. I work full time and so does my husband. I cannot be a 24/7 nursemaid.
I also told her this is why she cannot be alone in the house and why I cannot even go to the damn doctor ( I have diabetes) She would have cracked her head on the corner of the wall if I had not been there and she does not even give a crap at all
I am becoming very resentful and bitter..and I feel guilty.
Not much has changed. My mother STILL does not do her damn SEATED pt exercises. She is perfectly content to rot on the couch for hours on end. I do not even say anything anymore..what is the point?? I have told her if she gets to a point where she cannot get up unaided, use the toilet etc that I cannot provide that level of care. I do not know if she does not believe I won't do it or she does not care.
I just cannot see doing all of this for years on end..it will absolutely break me..I don't know how anyone does it.
My mom right now can walk around the house with her walker. She gets very out of breath however. She can dress and feed herself. She can pay her own bills and use the bathroom alone. Nothing wrong with her mind. She cannot shower alone and I am unable to help her anymore. She is not doing PT regularly.
My question is when / how did you know it was time to put your relative/LO in a facility? I guess I am searching for some definitive answers. I would also like to add her cardiologist said her heart is getting weaker as well as her kidney function
I just want to say thank you to everyone on this sub. This is the most helpful place I have been on Reddit..Thank you to everyone who reads and responds to my broken record posts.
And I wish peace, strength and healing vibes to all the caregivers out there. 😁
I am at home on my day off with my mom..and of course she is asleep on the damn couch.
I am at my breaking point. I have to talk ( try anyway) to her about this when my husband comes home. I am tired of walking around this house pissed off and resentful every minute of the day not to mention the horrible anxiety I have about what will happen if she does not TRY to do her damned 10 minutes of seated PT exercises.
I do not know if she does not believe me when I tell her I cannot and will not be able to lift her..physically or mentally. Talking to her is like trying to reason with a kid who puts their fingers in their ears and says la la la I can't hear you..and I am DONE.
Has anyone else had a relative who refused to do PT? What happened to them? I need some insight and advice
First I would like to say I know that my situation is not as difficult as some of you on here..and I wish peace and strength for everyone on here.
That being said I am done trying to convince my mother to do her damned PT exercises. Even after her new nurse told her how important it is do them daily she is just not doing it.
I am so angry and resentful that she does not even try just a tiny bit so she can remain at home. I am done begging and pleading with her..I am done with the whiny tantrums. I do not know if she does not believe that I am unable to lift her ( and unwilling). I think maybe she thinks I will just suck it up and do it...but I can't and won't.
My mom's new nurse came to the house yesterday. She asked me how I was doing on her way out..I was sitting in my front yard. I told her she was the first person to ever ask how I was doing.
So I told her about how I was scared of having to put my mom in a facility if she gets too weak to get out of bed. She told me I should not beat myself up and everyone has limits etc. I felt so heard and validated. Just wanted to share and thank the nurse...looking forward to seeing her next week
My mother had a meltdown over an appointment she forgot she had. It was rescheduled..fine. But then I get the whiny" I don't want to do this anymore". I did not say anything and then she whines"I am just trying to survive" l kind of lost my cool and said well so are we( me and hubby). I told her I cannot manage her appointments for her and I am doing everything I can.
Then after breakfast she is writing down the damned pills she took because like I said her system does NOT work..and I told her so. I am just so done with her lack of understanding how hard this is for my husband and I and I cannot have more crap piled on my back
Just had a lovely conversation with my mom..she asked me what was wrong and I said I was tired and stressed out. She says oh why? I said because of everything I am dealing with. Then she whined " Well I am going through a lot"
I kind of lost it and said " Well WE ( husband and I) are going through it right along with you AND working full time and taking care of everything in this house so a little appreciation would really go a long way " Then she started that whiny toddler crap and I told her if she is going to act like that on my damn day off I am leaving and not coming back until later. She just thinks I should be thrilled to have all this dumped on my back
Now she is on her best behavior. I honestly do not know how much more I can take of the Self centered attitude she has
I have been home with my mom all day. She claims "I walk around a lot during the day" Yea no you don't. She got up ate breakfast..walked to the couch and slept most of the day. Woke up for dinner and meds..walked back to couch and sleeping again. She has not done her PT exercises at all.
I get it..it is hard for her and she does not want to do much/ cannot do much. I truly get it.
But what she does not understand is if she wants to be at home until she passes..she NEEDS to be able to do some basic things for herself. Just sleeping on the couch is going to make her get weaker and weaker until she God forbid falls again and REALLY hurts herself or gets too weak to get out of bed.
I cannot talk to her about it because she does not want to hear it. I am just so so done with the constant anxiety I feel and if she needs to go to a facility at some point it will be all my fault
I have horrible anxiety. Worrying about the next crisis the next problem etc etc.
My biggest fear( irrational I know) is that something will happen to my husband. If God forbid it did or he were to leave me I would NOT be able to care for my mom alone There is just no way.
I tried to discuss this with her and she said she will move in with my son, hus girlfriend and his girlfriend's mother who has dementia. She said I will just rent a 3 bedroom apartment.
Like whaaaaattt? That is so out of touch with reality