Frustration with family
I was born and raised in an Arab-American Bahá’í family, but lately, I feel a growing distance between my family and me. Even though my parents are Bahá’í and extended family are Bahá’i/Muslim/Catholic, we constantly clash over core principles like marriage, service, and lifestyle standards.
When discussing topics like smoking or alcohol, I try to align with the Bahá’í teachings—which emphasize the harmony between spiritual laws and scientific reality. Yet when I explain why I wouldn't want alcohol or smoking in my future home or marriage, my family makes me feel fanatical or rigid for wanting to adhere to the Writings. They informed me that I will never find a future wife with that idea since I will be close minded and don’t understand that people change as we grow up. (IMO I would prefer my wife doesn’t drink and smoke). Then again I am still quite young and maybe don’t know my way around life. Similarly, when I engage in community service with people of diverse backgrounds, my family assumes I’m trying to proselytize, despite my explaining that my only aim is to serve humanity and foster unity without an agenda.
This ongoing disconnect has left me feeling isolated, misunderstood, and deeply frustrated. At times, the anger makes me question my faith or tempted to walk away entirely out of spite, just to show them how much their hypocrisy hurts. Other times, I wonder if life would be easier if I simply lowered my standards and compromised my values to keep the peace.
In my heart, I truly love the Faith and don't want to abandon the vision of a better world. I understand intellectually that everyone is on their own spiritual journey and that my struggles are small compared to what others endure, but emotionally, I feel paralyzed. I love my family and want this tension resolved, but I don’t know how to bridge the gap between striving for high spiritual standards and living peacefully alongside family members who view those standards differently. Has anyone dealt with this situation before and do you think there is anything I can do to resolve this matter? Any advice?