u/Exciting-Arugula-475

TL;DR: My MM, who is also my boss for at least the next few months, is now possibly expecting a child and we agreed not to continue if he is. I’ve experienced heartbreak once before, but never without a support system. Any advice for re-wiring my brain from one Former OW to another would be appreciated. I love him, and i’m going to miss him tremendously, despite seeing him frequently.

As seen from my previous posts, my MM (36M) and I have definitely gone through some rough patches during the last 8 months. But, we’ve been extremely strong the last 3 and have reached levels I haven’t experienced before. I’ve gotten extremely used to talking to him both to/from work, hanging out in the parking lot, and seeing him at work regularly (btw, he is my boss, too).

Well, the other night when we were having an extremely romantic night, he tells me he suspects his wife is pregnant but she hasn’t officially confirmed anything with him. Automatically, I do find this odd that they aren’t figuring this out together, but that’s not fully my business. Also, they’ve been married for about a year and a half. We’ve been seeing each other since December. I’ve known him almost 3 years.

I told him all the normal “Congratulations” and whatnot as I know he has wanted to be a father for a while, but I do tell him if his wife is pregnant we have to cut it off. I have a deep gut feeling he knows she is, but is scared to tell me based on this boundary. I still ask him every day, though. It’s only been about 5 days since this conversation happened. Ever since, he has been unbelievably affectionate and it aches because internally I know it’s about to end.

I guess I’m here to ask for advice on how to mentally get over this situation. I feel like I can’t really talk to my friends about it as the other woman, and I know this will be good for me in the long run…but I’m sad. I’m reallllly sad. I’m glad (if we do end) that we ended on good terms and with good thoughts, but seeing him at work (contracted until December) for the next 4 months will be agony, especially believing that we do both hold a lot of love for each other, but can’t be together. I’m in over my head, please tell me how other women in this situation have gotten over their heartbreak.

Myself (26F) and my mom (53F) have had a stray Siamese cat “live” in our backyard since May 2025. At first, she (we call her Momma Cat) stayed in the bushes with her two kittens. Of course, we immediately started putting out food and water for them.

Over the next couple of months, we see the kittens go from two to one, to eventually none. Then, in about November, Momma Cat disappears for a few months and we finally see her again in January. Now, she has her ear clipped (indicating she has been fixed) and looks much bigger and fluffier than previously. So, given these observations, I’d say she’s about 2-2 1/2 years old.

Well, she’s gone from being a neighborhood stray to pretty much only being in my backyard. I see her there all day long. She even sleeps right on the other side of my screen door. But, if I open the door she still runs away, doesn’t come near me when i’m outside, and hisses if I get too close. Also, yes, we do have a pretty decked out cat spot for her in the backyard.

However, I also have 2 male cats, one is 5(tuxedo)and one is 6(orange tabby). One of my cats (tuxedo) and Momma Cat will rub their full bodies on the screen door and will turn over on their backs and all. No angry hissing or loud meowing. I think my tuxedo cat realllly wants to hang out with her, but please tell me if y’all know more about stray cat behavior than I do because I know veryyy little.

Anyways, all of this being said, I’m not sure if I should try to take her in, or if we should just keep being her trusted little space. I’m scared if I try to get her and I fail then she won’t come back and will be in danger. I’ve never caught a cat outside who’s been older than a kitten, and she’s definitely feral enough to be pretty bothered by humans. Also, I don’t wanna traumatize the poor girl by locking her inside with two cats already. Or, does the sleeping by the screen door and rubbing against the glass with my cat indicate she *wants* to come inside but is just a little scared?? I know nothing about strays.

Thanks for reading my ramble, and I appreciate any advice :)

At this point. I’m getting so tired. So, we had a coworker party the other night, and none of our coworkers know (well, they suspected. now they’re pretty sure) that we’ve been sleeping together for the past 6 months. Because he’s above me in the company, and of course is a MM, we have tried to keep it quiet but the vibes, sadly, never lie.

So he ended up drinking a lot, and two separate times he told me he loved me. The first time was playful and loud in front of everyone, much like you would yell to a friend. The second time, however, was while I was holding his hair back and he was laying on me after I helped him get tucked in. Of course, I know with alcohol involved, he probably wasn’t being genuine. I love him- yes. Of course I do. I still haven’t told him. I’m also afraid to remind him of this encounter.

Well, nothing ended up actually happening that night physically because I didn’t want to sleep in the same room as him and arouse suspicion from the others- especially now that their eyebrows are very raised.
So, I end up crashing in a room with another one of my coworkers, and with a lot of conversation, she ends up telling me he kissed her 6 weeks ago and they text regularly, as do we. I saw the texts- they’re practically just like mine.

The next morning he talks to me, tells me his BS is talking about divorce (for several reasons I won’t list now), and proceeds to initiate *doing stuff* with me WHILE our coworkers are still right outside the room. I tell him I know about the other girl, and she knows about me, and I tell him he needs to be careful about keeping both of our (mine and the other girls) texts on his phone given the circumstances. That’s the only time I mention the fact I know about her. He didn’t react.

I’m feeling a lot of conflicted feelings. I do love him, but we were always friends first. And honestly, talking with and sharing a bed with another one of his mistresses didn’t even alter my emotions as I expected, it almost relieved me of my guilt of being the OW because I know the fault and issue fully lies with him. And the forbidden thrill, that’s what always loops me back to him. He knows how strong my feelings go for him and I know he uses it to his advantage.

Having little pain when I heard about this from her I feel was very awakening. I’m almost starting to humanize him. And in this, i’m really realizing his faults…but as a woman who loves him I also want to be there for him. This is tricky!

Any thoughts on my long ramble? are we about to go NC- now that I didn’t feel as hurt as I expected?

Basically the title. It was so odd, though, and very nonchalant. He never said her name, or even said it was his wife, but he said “she” and “her.”

The story wasn’t anything fascinating, and actually, it was something i’m adding to my ick list another user suggested a few posts back (great idea btw, thank you!).

It’s been 6 months, and he’s literally never spoken about her. Telling a story about something they were discussing and he mentioned “her” and “she” three times, and I feel like I didn’t even have time to react. He also kept mentioning his family (no kids, btw. well, none that I know of). Before now, he’s always kept us very separate.

How have y’all felt when this happens? Is this maybe a for-sure sign of our transition out of having an affair?

For context- this is my boss. Also, we did talk about how we have to end it a few days ago. But due to our work relationship, I can’t go no contact. Maybe by mentioning his family and whatnot it’s his way of putting up the barrier we both need?

First post here. I’ve never spoken about this with anyone but my therapist, who unfortunately retired.

My boss and I have been involved in an affair for 6 months. He’s been married for about a year, a little less, and I know he’s been involved with me for the second part of his marriage and involved with another girl for the first 3 months of it. There was a little break between mistresses, but that’s basically the gist. I don’t know if his wife knows about either of us, and honestly, I’m scared to ask. I know I dug the grave i’m lying in.

I’m ending it as soon as I get confirmation for another job out of state- which I believe will come very soon (like within the next week). I genuinely do have a lot of love for him. We talked almost all day every day, and of course, work together on top of that. So, I know this heartbreak will hurt me but I definitely feel very dead-set with the decision to get a different job and never speak with him again. This is also because I think he has taken interest in someone new and has been very odd for the past few days. I feel myself getting very territorial over him with her around and that feeling makes me want to fully retreat out of embarrassment.

What’s truly making my heart ache is the feeling that karma will come back around and I will never be in a fulfilled relationship due to my actions. I’m also extremely worried I won’t be able to fully trust my partner after watching a man compartmentalize so easily. Has anyone else experienced this?

In my clouded brain, I felt like the responsibility and guilt should fall fully onto him. But of course, i’m tearing myself apart. I feel like I have destined myself to the same fate- and I almost feel like I deserve it.

TIA for not berating. I guess what i’m really asking is- has anyone else who has fallen in love with a married men found themselves in healthy, happy marriages later?