u/ExistingCheek9546

My dad died yesterday of heart complications at 43 years old.

I’m grateful for Ram Dass’ numerous lectures on death, grief and reincarnation as I begin to move through this process. I’d love to hear some general words of wisdom, advice, or your favorite Ram Dass books, quotes, and lectures on the subject. Thank you.

Hello friends,

This is going to be a long and personal post. I was hoping to get some thoughts and perspective from likeminded individuals.

My mother is a deeply wounded individual, and I have great compassion for her suffering. We live together, and our relationship is incredibly strained.

She was a single mother at 21, and I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been. No one plans to raise a child alone. She became very attached to her role as “mother” and has used that identity as a shield, or a wall, against any pain that she feels in her life. In other words, she has never processed anything that happened to her before or after becoming a mother, because she believes there is not enough time. How can you find time to heal when there are dishes to be done, laundry to be folded, school to get ready for, homework to be done, dinner to be made? For 26 years, she has carried on like this. A pattern began early in our relationship; Whenever a hurt was caused, we didn’t talk about it because, again, not enough time. It worsened over the years, because all of that unacknowledged suffering kept boiling to the surface. We would scream at each other, say horrible things, throw things. It was incredibly painful and destructive, and spilled out into all aspects of my life.

About two years ago, I met someone who had been following the teachings of Ram Dass, of mindfulness in general. He lended me “Be Love Now”, which opened the doors into a different way of thinking for me. I had never realized how “caught up” I was, how fast I was tearing through life without ever taking a moment to enjoy it. This also caused me to see how I was creating a living hell for myself by never truly looking at the root of my feelings. I would feel angry, and react with anger. I still feel angry, but now I look at it differently - I question it.

I also began to see how the people around me were creating their own hell realms. I know that we can’t save people from their own suffering, and who are we to try? That’s their stuff. But when it’s someone so close, I’m really struggling to sit back and watch the show. Nearly every day, she is slamming things, yelling, projecting her anger outwards onto the world. I live with her, so it’s projected onto me constantly. I try to lead by example, by staying grounded, working on myself, meditating, breathing. But somehow, it almost makes her angrier when I don’t react to her. I’m not in a financial situation to be able to move out, and I’m trying to not run away since this is my mother. To some extent, I do believe that our parents are our given karma.

If you’ve read this far, thank you. Any insight is greatly appreciated!

Edit: Intro, typos