My partner (26F) and I (26M) have been together for three years no intimacy (only 3 times). Partner keeps shifting reasons.
Hi everyone,
I’m looking for some perspective or advice on a situation that is deeply tearing me apart. I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 years now. We are the same age. Before dating, we were best friends for several years, and during that time, there was always a huge amount of unresolved sexual tension between us.
However, since we officially started dating 3 years ago, we have only been intimate literally three times.
Every time I try to bring up the subject to talk about it, she gets extremely defensive. Furthermore, no matter how hard I try to set the mood or find the perfect, comfortable moments for intimacy to happen, she always rejects me.
What makes it even harder is that she changes her reasons every time we do manage to talk about it:
At the beginning of the relationship: She told me she just didn't want to rush things in that department.
Months later: She told me it was due to vaginism, which made sex painful and unpleasant for her.
Sometime after that: She claimed she was just going through a phase in her life where she simply didn’t feel like it.
Most recently: Now she says that sex has always been a taboo topic in her family, which has led her to view sex as something "dirty."
I am deeply in love with her, and honestly, I always have been. But this entire situation is destroying me from the inside out, and it has been doing so since the very beginning of our relationship. It hurts even more knowing that she had an active sex life in her previous relationships before being with me (this fact is tearing me apart).
I feel stuck, rejected, and emotionally drained. I love her, but I don't know how much longer I can live like this.
I would appreciate hearing from people who have navigated similar communication breakthroughs or intimacy barriers. What are the best ways to approach a partner who gets defensive about this topic? What steps can I take to figure out the next best move for my own emotional well-being?
Thank you.