Relapsed after 15 days clean 💔
On May 4th I thought I hit a mental rock bottom after almost 2 years of a pretty severe meth addiction. My addiction has been a rollercoaster, every few months my life looks so different. For most of 2025, everyone knew I was using, I got sober for a month in December, and since then I've convinced my family that I've remained sober. But I relapsed in January of this year, unbeknownst to everyone in my life.
So from May 5th until today I was sober (April was rough so I felt it was time to quit once and for all) and I thought I was doing really well. On day 10 I began taking NAC after reading potential benefits it could have for a recovering meth addict. On day 15 (today) I started having extreme anxiety attacks that were just not stopping. I also smoke weed frequently (not proud of this nor would I recommend it) but I've never had this happen from smoking.
Anyway, I relapsed after being panicked all day and feeling desperate for relief. The main reason I got into meth was for the false sense of "anxiety relief" it gives me though of course it only causes more anxiety in the long run.
So idk if it was the NAC, the weed, the combination of the 2, or something else that was making me panic. I have no idea and I'm not trying to justify this relapse I'm just lost on why I had these random anxiety attacks.
I plan to try and get sober again tomorrow, hoping it'll be for good this time. Never taking NAC again, and I'm gonna work on quitting smoking.
I want to add that last night I was kind of heartbroken because I discovered new information about my ex bf possibly cheating on me, but it didn't initially make me want to relapse. But maybe it played a part in the way I felt today? Idk guys, I've kept my relapses a secret and I still work full time, but this lifestyle is not sustainable and I don't believe any meth addict can be "functional". And although my family loves me they have understandably kicked me out in the past (I'm 19 and live w/ parents)
Also I have no one I can reach out to comfortably because I broke up with my bf a few days ago and honestly he was my only friend and only person who wouldn't be horrified to hear that I relapsed. Just wanted to share my experience because I don't go to meetings and don't know anyone in a similar situation.
Again I am NOT trying to justify this relapse, sobriety is my greatest wish right now and this is a huge loss for me.