r/StopSpeeding

I am 8 months off adderall/vyvanse. I do have a job now and some of my relationships have improved a little but day to day I feel terrible and hopeless. My anhedonia has not lifted at all, I feel constant fatigue. I do drink which I’m working on but I’ve even quit weed for the time being. Literally nothing makes me happy. There is no magic to life. I feel dumb (like poor memory and not as good at things as I used to be) and do nothing all day. Before I abused heavily starting in 2022, I took it once or twice every 1-2 weeks for over 10 years. I would do difficult assignments, huge projects, complicated aspects of my hobbies or just game or do art for hours. Otherwise I was functional and lived normally. Just saved it for those occasions.

I feel like I’ve seen zero benefits from getting clean off stims and even though I know the 3 years of binging was ruining my life, I regret ratting myself out to my doctor. I want them back. The cravings lately have been torture.

I don’t feel like I’ll ever be the same and I don’t want to go forward, I just wish I could go back.

I don’t know how to deal with this. Feels like my life is not worth living anymore. Like I’ve used it up and it’s over.

This may be a dumb question as I could see it varying region to region. But I quit my adderall prescription years ago, and lately have fallen into a bad habit of buying “adderall” from a dealer during stressful periods at work. They’re pink 30 mg IR pressed pills that do feel like adderall, but clearly are just trying to mimic the appearance of pharmacy grade adderall.

Lately I’ve been suspecting it could be methamphetamine, or perhaps it still is just street-grade regular amphetamine? I don’t have any experience with meth aside from one experience snorting the crystallized form years ago, so I don’t have much of a comparison. I want to stop, despite my constant bargaining that I need it for work. Knowing whether it’s meth and could be doing even worse long-term damage to my health may help me quit for good or talk to my psych about other options.

I’m based in the San Francisco Bay Area if it helps.

I don’t even want to type out a long ass paragraph about it all. I’m just ashamed and disappointed in myself. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Stopping again today. Fuck man. I am sorry to the little girl inside me who feels like she isn’t good enough and needs to hide herself under these evil pills. I feel like such a piece of shit rn

I was so healthy and happy until I started abusing Adderall and vyvanse. I am still abusing my vyvanse (about 100-200mg a day) and coming down from it now, I feel so sickeningly depressed. For no reason really. I miss who I was before stimulants. It’s hard to even explain to people why or how I’m feeling the way I am. I feel like depressed for no reason

There's no where for me to go rehab wise.

The detox place opening in my town that my social worker found for me, is, come to find out, only for alcohol and opioids.

Then the rehabs me and my social worker called out of state, say medicaid and/or medicare wont pay for out of state withdrawal care period, just straight rehab. Withdrawal gets to the point where i literally won't get up or do anything, and they dont allow that in rehab. You have to go to all their classes.

The rehabs in my state wont take me and they say its because my mental health care needs to be addressed. The hospitals wont take me because they say they're not a detox facility (and the new detox won't).

The only true dual diagnosis rehab in my state doesn't accept clients with BOTH medicaid and medicare and it sucks.

My team I had had told me a genuine sorry when my applications were denied. I then found a social worker who I'm working with.

I just don't know what to do.

When I found out the detox place in my town opening up isn't for my criteria, as I'd really hoped for, I just figured I try my best to seek outpatient treatment and emailed some therapists on psychtoday that are bother substance abuse informed and can treat co-occuring PTSD... and hopefully psychosis too lol.

But, that only goes so far. Hopefully someone gets back to me.

I’ve been abusing Vyvanse for about 2 years. I was spending all of my days off abusing it and it got progressively worse. At the end I was spending entire weeks just geeking alone in my room and I was taking like 400-500 mgs a day sometimes. About three month ago I told my doc and she removed my prescription so I haven’t taken any stim since then but I feel like the cravings are getting WORSE. I started smoking weed again and I kind of forget about stims when I smoke a joint but I ran out two days ago and i crave stimulants so bad. My addiction wasn’t even that bad compared to some people on this sub but I can’t stop fantasizing about those pills… the only reason I’m not taking stims is because I don’t have access to them. If I did there is absolutely zero chance that I would be able to resist the temptation.

In college I had a healthy group of friends and family. I was happy and active, had a job I liked. But, I struggled a lot with school. I was diagnosed with adhd and started taking Adderall.

I don’t think I would have graduated college without stimulants, so that’s one good thing. But I crashed and burned big time. I was taking 70-80 mgs a day, and sleeping 3 hours a night. I was pounding energy drinks and coffee. I was a group leader in church, and had to act like I had it all together. I was under a lot of pressure

When I crashed I lost all but 2 of my closest friends. I left that job, and lost a lot of good networking opportunities. I dumped and got back on Adderall and focalin a couple times.

That was like 5 years ago, and it’s been 7 months since I last took any stimulants. I’m just so lonely. I miss the friendships I used to have.

Im working on rebuilding, but it’s hard to see people I knew back then. They knew me when I was at my worst, and have that image of me in their heads. I’m anxious, depressed, and lonely all the time

I make the same mistake over and over, and over again. I hurt my body, kill me faster, and ruin myself.

I feel immense guilt in the aftermath that causes me to want to become clean and quit, or make efforts towards that, but I'm already high for fucks sake. I then feel ashamed.

I fucking hate this. Its miserable. Its fucking MISERY.

Right now, I'm hearing something in my right ear auditorily and prolonged...

It isn't normal for me to hear things, only visual/delusions.

This isn't normal for me, and is a brand new symptom for the first time.

I'm hearing some weird noise in my ear. I'm getting auditory hallucinations now.... they'll gradually get worse and worse over time, and they might evolve into voices. Great. It's still in my ear....

I FUCKING HATE MAKING THE SAME MISTAKE OVER AND OVER AND OVER... I WANT TO CRY BUT I CANT EVEN CRY.

MAKE THE NOISE GO AWAY.

July 23rd would have been my 3 year soberversary. Then I threw it all away on a couple 8balls of coke. Mix some booze and meth in there, and that was my bender. People looked up to me. I got my own apartment, my family came back, I have a great job. Self-sabotage is real, y'all.

I'm afraid of "success". I can't even call myself "successful". It freaks the fuck out of me! I checked myself in to detox, and I got moved up to residential today. I wanted to keep going on my bender for a few more days, but my PHP sent me to detox. And I'm glad they did. I have private insurance so this place is pretty swanky. I can do this. Now, time for diamond art! 🤘🏼

My new clean date is July 1st, 2026.

I’ll keep the story short, stories are overrated on my opinion.
Anywho, I don’t abuse it. I’ve been in recovery from hard drugs and alcohol since May of 2012. Adderall served a purpose in my life and now I want to see who I am off of it. I’ve been on it for a little over 10 years (one version of ADHD meds or another but mostly Adderall). I’m 42 and I don’t think I want to be on this for the rest of my life. That said, I’ve been taking 50mgs a day for the last 5 years. I’m scared I won’t be able to do this but I feel like I have to try.
My life is not horrible at all but I know there’s a better life out there if I can kick Adderall - I think?

That’s it. Thanks for reading

I used my Vyvanse and dexies not just for Adhd but to treat my mood - as after several failed trials of antidepressants it seemed to be the only thing that worked. I now eat them like lollies to keep my mood up. After a period of stopping them for 4 months I found nothing enjoyable - my mood felt like a balloon I was desperately trying to keep in the air and stop hitting the ground. I don’t want to feel euphoric - just content. Is there any hope for antidepressants working for me ?

I been using meth almost every day for about a month. I need to stop. I was sober off meth for almost 2 years and I can't continue doing this shit. I have a 2 year old kid through most of the week (please don't judge) and then I work on weekends. I need to be awake enough to do both. Please recommend stuff that can help me. And don't say "well you could just sleep it off for a couple days" but i literally can't but I am going to make sure I can get 12hrs or more of sleep until I can make the switch.

I got Wellbutrin too because I heard it helps with cravings. Please let me know. Thank you.

My spouse is a Vyvanse/Adderall addict. He’s been in active addiction since 2021/22… the longest he’s going is 30 days. Since that thirty days the script goes way faster this time. Every month since 2022 at least he has said he will get off of them and then never does. Last month he filled and I chose to separate. Told him I wouldn’t come back to him or allow him in our house with drugs or alcohol. He spiral, filled about 2 weeks ago. And I called him out on it and of course he lied. I seen him at about 7 days and could tell he was WD and wanted to stay in bed. I just seen him again last night and he his knees just wouldn’t stop shaking. Which he has significant adhd. Always has shook his knees because he can’t sit still but last night it was so bad. Maybe I had just grown use to seeing it. Today he stopped sharing his location. I honestly don’t know what to do? He currently is staying in an RV. I stopped paying his bills. He makes BARELY enough to make the payment on that, his truck and rent. Sadly, the truck and RV that he is in our his moms and she said he’s close to having those repossessed. I tell him no when he asks for money. He uses THC when he’s off meds to cope or alcohol. He drives under the influence of something all the time. He is super reckless and impulsive. He asked for the kids and I said no because of that. What do I do next? Will he actually get clean in rehab? What it take for this kind of addict to go to rehab? Or to get clean and stay clean? Both of us have been long followers of stop speeding. I’m doing my part by not enabling and encouraging him to go. Hell my own brother runs a recovery. He’s offered to take him. But my spouse always wants something before he will go. Get me a computer, or this time it was get me the job that I want up there and I’ll go. (This recovery is a year program and requires you to work). I just feel stuck. I know I can’t control it, but I know what I’m feeling is like how the hell do I help push him to rock bottom? Should I cut contact with myself and the kids? File for legal separation? Divorce? He’s already lost a vehicle to repossession, two jobs, we had to sell our custom build home, he’s blown through his retirement and his mother’s. I had a talk to her today but stop giving him money. Don’t help him. Because it just keeps him comfortable on his addiction. Idk this place has been the best place for the best brutally honest advice and that’s why I came here. Thanks

It's been a match made in heaven ever since the first day I shot up. You may say you really like slamming but nobody has had a relationship with the 💉like I have. I even had an opportunity to be forced to get clean when I got arrested and put on probation for five years. But guess what? The Fates took pity on me and made it possible for me to evade nearly five years of piss tests while slamming most of the week. It was like, not only did they not care that I was using - it felt like on some level I was receiving pity: Quitting the 💉 would be too much for me - too much to ask for.

It's different now though. Tolerance has caught up and I'm tired of taking "breaks". I want to quit, at least long enough to get myself back on my feet, maybe even long enough to forget about it? But folks I gotta be honest: If heaven doesn't include iv meth - and yes I do think junkies might have a chance - then I'm staying on earth. It's become such a ritual, such a treat, I want it back in my life already and this is only my first day without a poke.

Anyone else think this way? Like once life gets easier maybe then? Or put this way: Instead of saying you'll quit for good, promise that after a certain amount of time you'll go back?

Sorry if this is kinda all over the place.

I am now sober since January (had a relapse that lasted a couple weeks before that I was sober since April 2025) I dont think about using anymore and the dreams have stopped and the cravings but I still have so much undealt with trauma from it.. the insane things I did.. i hurt my girlfriend so much I cheated on her I chose porn over her I sexted with random people the whole time.. i sold myself for it once. I did so much damage to my life and my relationship and I love this girl so so much and I did so much damage to her yet she was there for me through everything only finding out about everything that truly happened after I had got sober. I hurt my family very badly I was an awful person and its so hard to live with myself when I relive everything that happened. My girlfriend has so much trauma and she cant get over everything that has happened and its because of me. I struggle so badly talking to anyone about this cause its so painful to relive and I just dont associate my meth self with how I am now because I just cant believe I really did all of these things and I just want so badly to repair what we have I want to be a good man for her I want to be good for myself I want to build a future with her and have a true connection... she says I still haven't even given her a heartfelt apology only weak ones and honestly she's probably right... I have a terrible time talking about it cause everytime I do i start to have a mental breakdown...please I need guidance...

Im so sorry for my wall of text its probably so hard to read im just not okay right now and I really need help I want to heal so badly I want to be good for her I want us to be happy together

If you've read all of this thank you so much im sure it was incoherent and exhausting.

The summer I turned 15, I basically let myself botch my ADHD test to get Adderall (I was an insecure teenage girl who heard it could help you lose weight). My psychiatrist said the results were “inconsistent” and “unusual”, but I was diagnosed with ADHD anyway. I tried the low dose of Adderall XR I was prescribed a few times, but it made me unbelievably irritable, not to mention it gave me mild visual hallucinations. Requested to go off of it and didn’t look back.

Then, 1.5 years later (late November/early December 2024), I was suffering from very textbook mild depression due to stress at school, which mainly presented as fatigue and a lack of motivation. Seeing as I was still officially diagnosed with ADHD, I asked my psychiatrist if I could try ADHD meds again, as I hoped they would give me some much-needed energy. She gave me Vyvanse.

Before stimulants, I was going to sleep at 7PM and waking up at 4AM to exercise for an hour before going to school. People usually described me as polite, thoughtful, disciplined, calm, wise for my age, honest to a fault. My peers both liked and respected me as a person. But over the year I was on a steadily increasing dose of Vyvanse, my entire personality flipped.

I became horrendously lazy, temperamental, selfish, always seeming to make the worst decision with every choice and opportunity I was presented with. A cheating, lying little rat I despise, but can’t stop being. The best way I can describe it is that I stopped displaying goal-oriented behavior (I am doing X because I want to achieve Y), replacing it with impulse-oriented behavior (I am doing X because I want to do X in this moment, fuck the consequences, I’ll cross that bridge when I get there). Not just with using, but with everything, such as impulsively deciding to cut off good friends or chase a new hobby for a couple weeks that I never once showed interest in prior.

Once my psychiatrist prescribed me additional Adderall IR “boosters” early this year, it was game over. On an average day, I take 3x the IR dose.

I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t keep excitably yapping about random shit to anyone who’ll listen when my Vyvanse peaks, even if they’re visibly annoyed. I can’t take the awful migraines I get when my meds wear off from clenching my face all day. I can’t take the random temper tantrums and crying spells I have. I can’t keep lounging around, taking more Adderall as I tell myself I’ll surely be “productive” after I take just a little more.

I’m craving both sobriety and my old life more than any prescription now. Throughout the last 1.5 years, I truly believed I needed my meds, that they were prescribed to me for a reason, that they made me better at my writing. But maybe that’s not true.

Am I even an addict? And if so, what the hell do I do? How do I tell my family and my psychiatrist after lying in their faces for all this time? Were the external circumstances of my life simply better before my meds, and that’s why I was mentally much healthier? Is that actually what I miss? How do I deal with the shame of the shitty things I’ve done while under this influence? How do I go back to normal, or at least rebuild my life while stuck at home, doing online high school?

Any advice, words of wisdom, similar experiences, or anything of that nature would be greatly appreciated. Open to DMs. Thank you for reading. :-)

Day 45 sober from Adderall/Vyvanse abuse, alcohol abuse, and smoking weed.

I feel so much better not tweaking out all the time, but now anytime I feel stress or overwhelm, such as being in a class of people or at lunch with my boss, I dissociate.

It’s actually even more consistent that that, I feel blurry vision, brain fog, and an uncomfortable blank mind.

Is this PAWS? Does anyone relate to this or have it happen?

If it continues for too long I may need to try an SSRI or something for my anxiety. It makes me feel so dumb because I can’t think and it affects my memory so much.