r/StopSpeeding

I finally quit lying to myself that I had it under control and quit Adderall after 7 years of abusing it. Its been a problem pretty much ever since I started it, but escalated while in an abusive relationship for most of last year. At the end I was eating around 200mg daily. Now that I am free from my abusive ex, I am in trauma therapy, IOP, and I finally told my psychiatrist to not prescribe any more refills.

I kept pushing it off but I had my hip replaced two weeks ago so I thought it would be the perfect time to quit so I could work through the withdrawals at the same time.

For only being 13 days in, I feel surprisingly good. I don't have so much anxiety, I actually sleep, I feel happy in general, and I feel more present. I find myself actually wanting to be around people and wanting to eat healthy food.

I quit alcohol 5 years ago on August 30th, so I am well aware of the Pink Cloud, but I am gonna ride that fucker as long as I can. 😂

I also quit smoking weed for the time being as well so I can actually feel all the feelings to properly work through my trauma.

So far, so good. I've tried to quit Adderall a few times now and this time feels different because I actually WANT to be done being a slave to the little orange pill.

I'm open to any advice to keep things going in a positive direction. ❤️

what a sick cycle.

it’s been 2 or 3 weeks. depending on the month, i choose one of two paths. one led to the toilet, where the rest of my pills went to die. the other was a week long binge of a 28 day adderall prescription followed by a hard crash and burn. both paths led to the same destination - CVS pharmacy. i’m backing out of the driveway before i finish reading “your prescription is ready for pick up.”

after the initial crash, i bounce back. 2 days of extreme fatigue, a few spent in a less sleepy but lazy fog, and i’m almost back to normal. almost. because i’m not sure normal is something i’ll ever know again. every time i repeat this cycle, i feel i’ve permanently lost another little piece of myself. but when the fog clears, i can feel again. i can listen and laugh, i can let the mess of toys be because one day I’ll wish for them back. i don’t get irritated, i don’t isolate. i don’t compulsively clean and obsessively organize. i’m a better mom, a better wife. the house gets messy and i chip away at it, but there’s more important things to do. movie nights and board games and basketball in the driveway. i don’t feel the guilt of telling my son “not right now” or disappointing my daughter by saying “maybe later” every time they want to play with their mom. i may be a little scatter-brained, the laundry is sitting in baskets and not in the drawers, i put off that pile of dishes. i can chip away at the mess later. i have to soak up what’s in front of me right now. i have to keep my personality alive before i inevitably trade it in for a prescription again. imagine that - a fucking bottle of adderall. i swap it out with any iota of personality i have month after month, a personality that’s always returned to me with another piece missing. it’s only a matter of time before there’s nothing left of it.

after a couple of normal weeks, it creeps in again. every time. “see? you’re still you. in a few days, you can pick up your prescription. you’ve learned your lesson. just take as prescribed, you’ll be okay. you really could use a little
help getting organized again.” those creeping thoughts begin as whispers and end as screams. and they’re right. i could use help.
now i’m spiraling. i pop them like candy because every time i start a task i think of 8 more that need to be done. there can be no clutter. there can be no mess. why are these toys all over the floor again? days on end i’m frantic. now i’m not only overwhelmed with 100 tasks that feel like life or death if they don’t get done, but here comes that guilt. the intrusive thoughts are SCREAMING.

how much fucking time have you lost with your kids? sure, you make dinner. you lay out their clothes and make breakfast you tuck them in and tell them you love them. you go to their games and see their school concerts. but that’s the bare fucking minimum. why didn’t you play outside this summer? they’re never going to be this little again and it’s gone forever. and for what? because you know you’re an addict and decided it was more important? you couldn’t figure out how to be a fucking adult and organize your life? you traded the best years of your life while your kids were little so you can wash floors and organize the toys that should’ve been played with? what the fuck have you done? who are you?

i’m disgusted. i’m enraged. there is no one to blame but myself. how fucking selfish. i’ll never let it get this bad again. so i choose one of two paths. they always lead to the same destination.

except this time is different. and i mean it. i sent my doctor a message. if i can’t stop myself, someone has to. i’ve lost 5 years of my life to this. the people i love deserve more from me than what i’ve given.

so i was finally honest. my adderall has been discontinued. there is no more vicious cycle. there was a third path, and it doesn’t lead to where the first two led. i don’t know where it goes or how i’ll navigate it. but that’s all i’ve got.

thanks for reading, if you did this far. i’m sorry if this was a rambling disorganized dumpster fire to read. i had to let it out, i did, and now it’s done.

i hope some day i can revisit this, to come back and say i finally did it. that i rebuilt everything i’ve burned to the ground and never looked back.

if you can relate, i hope it gets better. if you can’t, that’s for the best.

I take a single small oral dose of speed daily (30-50mg), i tried to stop by lowering the frequency of intake but i feel like shit the days i dont take speed. Im really tired of this addiction it wrecks my libido, my relations, and i just hate how despite feeling good i get so mentally erratic i cant see myself achieving my goals in life while addicted to this shit.

Ive heard of Wellbutrin (sold as Zyban in France, prescribed for nicotine withdrawal) and on paper it seems like the perfect remedy for my case as im trying to quit both substance and maintain a lean shape.
So for people who tried it how effective is it? Did you manage to quit amphetamines? I just want that shitty substance out my life and feel motivation and joy naturally like sober people...

Let me know if this needs any other flairs

I'm 24 and started abusing dexedrine/dexamfetamine early last year, had such a beautiful honeymoon phase that I didn't stop romanticising it until a few months ago. Was always off and on due to limited access & funds (not prescribed). Had some serious scary moments including a seizure due to continued use, eating nothing, and dehydration. Finally ended up quitting for a decent amount of time and began to feel myself come back; relapsed lightly a few times but found that all the euphoria of the drug was gone and it was no longer even worth it.

During the middle of the year, I had a really good period of being sober and feeling happy and grounded in myself. I thought I'd never go back to dex ever, I thought I had blasted through any enjoyable effects and experienced the horrors of addiction (shame, no sleep, comedown crash and depression, thousands of dollars wasted, lying, secrecy, health scares, dopamine completely fucked, reliance, etc etc etc).

Then a whole series of unfortunate things happened and I spent two months in a haze of anxiety and depression. Eventually the addiction bug in my brain took hold and asked, why stay sober if it's going to feel this shit anyway? Relapsed, and in a twist of fate suddenly find dex much cheaper and more readily available. I have now been taking it far more consistently and in higher doses than ever before.

I never thought I'd be worse than I was before. I am really scared of what's going to happen when I do eventually stop because I imagine the crash will be more devastating than ever. I have many responsibilities and important things on the horizon ... and I feel so incredibly sick to my stomach thinking about all the money wasted especially when I earn so little in the first place.

I want to change. I will find a time that won't fuck up my life, I will stop, I will sleep for days, then I will wake up early and run. I will eat well and exercise every day. I do want to love myself instead of dragging my ailing body down the train tracks

I guess I'm just posting to vent to people who understand and to say if you are in the same situation, I'm with you and I'm so sorry </3 addiction is crazy crazy crazy it controls you completely. But I know I'm the only one who can help myself really. Oh well, much love

For years I smoked heavily and abused my adderall prescription. I ended up being involuntarily committed to a treatment center after running out because I couldn’t pass a drug test to get a refill and went into psychosis. I was there for 21 days and tried to go back to work after but still was having psychosis symptoms and ultimately ended up quitting the job, having to give up my apartment, and moving in with my parents in another state. I’m in the process of trying to file for bankruptcy because of how bad things got during my addiction. It’s been over 8 months without any substances now but I still think about and dream about smoking and taking adderall again. I miss the motivation I had when I was taking it and the carelessness I had when I was smoking. I haven’t tried going back to work yet because I needed surgery for an unrelated injury, but I’m almost healed and going to be looking for work very soon. I go to therapy and see a psychiatrist regularly now but I don’t know how to heal the part of me that still itches to use again. I’m terrified I won’t be as productive at work and won’t be as successful as I was before. Has anyone here dealt with the depression and cravings after quitting and have any tips on how to manage? Deeply appreciate this space and all of you for making it safe, TYIA!

I have ADHD + basically the field. I’ve been prescribed meds in the amphetamine family since 2015 and at or above max doses since 2021 or 22. Most recently 50 mg XR + 10 mg IR upon waking.

Yesterday my doc blindsided me and said I don’t need them (bc my exec functioning is still comically bad). So they’re discontinued effective immediately. Yesterday full-throttle, today nada.

That’s the part that makes my butt pucker; I’m a bit concerned that it’s going to feel like falling off a cliff. (I expressed this to him but he was pretty dismissive so I’m open to the possibility that it’ll be a nothing burger.)

Can anyone shed some light on what to expect?

Many thanks.