u/listsellmichelle

I'm 34 and I'm looking specifically for advice/experiences from people who have recovered from long-term, high-dose Adderall or other prescription amphetamine abuse. I know everyone's recovery is different, but I'm desperately trying to understand what realistic recovery can look like after abusing it for as long and as heavily as I have. Here are the main points of my history:

• I do NOT have ADHD. I was actually evaluated when I was younger and did not test positive for ADD/ADHD. I was prescribed Strattera instead because anxiety was identified.
• Originally, I obtained a prescription for Vyvanse in July 2017 and switched to adderall within the following year.
• Over the years I went through periods where staying awake for 2–3 days was fairly normal.
• My sleep has become considerably more consistent during the last year or two.
• On the rare occasion I am without Adderall, I crash and sleep for 2–3 days until I physically can't sleep anymore, followed by intense anxiety and cravings, severe brain fog, irritability, crying, and basically zero stamina for interacting with other people.
• I'm currently prescribed the maximum allowable dose of adderall per day (60mg) and supplement the additional use by buying from others with a script.
• I generally finish my prescription within two weeks. Sometimes it's gone in 10 days.
• I binge when I'm struggling emotionally—relationship problems, work stress, depression, illness, etc.
• I actually quit cold turkey once in 2018 and remained completely stimulant-free for approximately six months. 
• I still felt profoundly impaired at six months clean; the brain fog and lack of motivation felt unbearable and incompatible with having a normal life, and eventually I went back to Adderall.
• Since then, despite all these years of use, I don't think I've gone longer than about a week without stimulants.
• At my worst, particularly 2025, I was probably taking around 4x what I am prescribed.
• I've managed to taper myself down to roughly 120mg/day overall, which is obviously still an enormous amount. (I realize this needs professional treatment and that continuing to manage it myself isn't a sustainable solution)
• The scary part is that Adderall isn't even working anymore.
• Until this happened, I had been a successful real estate agent for about five years, consistently closing $5M-10M annually. I haven't closed a deal since December 2025.
• I'm now filing bankruptcy and had to move back in with my parents. 
• My entire life has basically fallen apart while I'm STILL taking Adderall... and yet I'm terrified to stop.
• Without Adderall, I can't initiate tasks. Nothing interests me. I feel stupid because I can't think clearly. I'm exhausted regardless of how much I've slept. Nothing feels rewarding. I constantly feel like I need something, but nothing satisfies that feeling.
• Emotionally, I'm incredibly fragile. 
• Social interaction becomes extremely difficult, and being a real estate agent in that condition feels basically impossible.
• Adderall is also my only addiction. I don't have another substance I'm trying to quit at the same time.
• I've never received addiction-specific treatment, and my current prescriber does not know the extent to which I've been abusing my medication. I know that needs to change.

I'm not looking for someone to promise me I'll magically feel normal in X months. I understand nobody can do that. I'm trying to figure out whether people who went as far down this road as I have actually came back from it. Right now my biggest fear isn't giving up the high. I'm burnt out on Adderall and exhausted by what my life has become.

My biggest fear is giving it up, waiting six months, still being unable to think/work/feel motivated, and believing that this is simply who I am without stimulants. I'm terrified of losing my ability to function for months or years. That's the part of recovery that scares me far more than sleeping for three days or surviving acute withdrawal. I'm at a point now where I genuinely want out.

I'm fortunate enough to have family support and a place to live right now. As humiliating as it feels to be 34, bankrupt, living with my parents and watching the career I built disappear, I also recognize that this may be the best opportunity I'm ever going to have to stop trying to hold my old life together long enough to keep feeding this addiction.

I'm considering everything at this point: traditional residential rehab, intensive outpatient treatment, addiction psychiatry, ketamine-assisted treatment, and I've also been researching ibogaine programs.

***What I really need are experiences from people whose stimulant history was genuinely severe and long-term***

If you abused Adderall/amphetamine heavily for 5–10+ years and successfully stopped:

• How much were you taking and for how long?
• What did months 1, 3, 6 and 12 actually feel like?
• When did the brain fog noticeably improve?
• When did you regain motivation without needing a stimulant to manufacture it?
• When did ordinary things start feeling rewarding again?
• When could you reliably initiate tasks and follow through with them?
• When were you capable of working a demanding job again?
• Did you eventually feel intellectually sharp again?
• Did your personality/social stamina come back?
• Did you experience severe anhedonia (loss of interest/inability to feel joy in things), and how long did it last?
• Did improvement happen gradually enough that you barely noticed it, or were there major turning points?
• What treatment did you use?
• If you went to residential rehab, was it actually useful for prescription stimulant addiction?
• Has anyone with a comparable history tried ketamine-assisted treatment or ibogaine? Did it meaningfully change your recovery, cravings, depression, or ability to stay abstinent?
• What helped you survive the period when you intellectually knew you needed to stay sober but your brain was screaming that you couldn't function without Adderall?
• Looking back from long-term recovery, what do you wish someone had told you at the beginning?

I need to hear what happened to people who kept going anyway. If you've been there, I'd really appreciate hearing your story—the good, bad, ugly, and especially the timeline. Any and all advice/insight is welcomed. Thank you in advance.