Frustrated with myself
For a few years now I have been struggling to stop Adderall for good. It’s been consistent where I get it and by day 2-3 I feel like shit because I took extra and so I throw the rest away. I lasted close to a year once then started this cycle all over again. I was first prescribed as a young kid so I feel like I always find a way to justify maybe I do need it (which I know needing prescription meth is such a ridiculous claim but hey, we lie to ourselves lol). I’m not in dangerous binging territory but it absolutely is abuse regardless because I end up taking more than prescribed. Also if it wasn’t a problem I wouldn’t throw it away every single time by at least day 4. Yet once it’s time to fill again- I end up refilling. Rinse and repeat. This last time I threw away an entire 3 months script by day 2 because I took 2 extra the first day and just knew it was going to be a problem and make me feel so shitty rather than better. But here I am AGAIN, 3 months later refilled the script and day 1 took it properly, day 2 took an extra 10mg, and today took an extra 30. I was actually thriving without it, I have no idea why I even caved and filled it again. I’m sitting here feeling worse physically than I felt without it and I’m stewing over grabbing it and flushing another 3 months down the drain. I know if I don’t then I’m going to end up feeling even worse tomorrow and go through this feeling until I finally toss it again. I don’t even know what I’m looking for advice wise, I just had to share this because it’s so fucking frustrating.