u/HonestAd6595

I posted on here day 3 completely off adderall, all other amphetamines, kratom, and nicotine. That day and the day prior I was truly spiraling mentally, emotionally, and had a lot of physical withdrawal symptoms.

its gotten a lot easier as the days go on. I’m now on day 8, and feel a lot more comfortable overall.

However, several times per day I have this nagging voice that tells me to go get more, just us it as prescribe, it’ll be ok, maybe just one more time—-within seconds I’m reminding myself that this is the addiction talking, that the real me wants no part in it and I go through a list in my head of all the memories and the reasons why I DONT ever want to touch that crap again. any of it.

ive heard others say these voices will come and go for the rest of your life once you’re addicted. does it ever get any easier? Does that urge or thought of “just once more” ever slow down or become less and less as time goes on. I get it at least 4 times per day, it only lasts 20-30 seconds or so but it’s so aggravating and annoying.

long story short, the past two and a half years I have been abusing adderall and other stimulan medications, which turned to heavy use and abuse over the last year and some change. it got to the point where even 100-150 mg of adderall did almost nothing for me, but I could feel my heart beating out of my chest and when I would check my home BP it would spike dangerously high.

frustrated from no longer feeling that euphoria and focus and drive I once had on it, I started dabbling in other things such as kratum, 7-OH, etc. I would even mix the two. I made that same mistake earlier this week, and I legitimately felt like I was having a heart attack. I called 911 and their check on me showed no signs of heart attack etc, but I still didn’t feel good so I went to the hospital. All of my tests done there (thank god) came back normal with no signs of lung or heart damage/disease. i was told it was a panic attack, and ironically prior to that episode I had thrown away everything in my house I was using and abusing, cancelled any refill appointment? and decided I was done. this whole experience just solidified that I cant do that to myself anymore.

its now day three off of everything (even nicotine) and physically, mentally, and emotionally I feel so uncomfortable. I cried on and off all day yesterday, felt overwhelming lonliness, anxiety and depression. I was able to chat on the phone with a friend for a while and it helped calm me down a lot but I still felt unsettled. today isn’t as bad, but I still feel horrible. uncomfortable in mind and body is the best way to describe it, my skin is crawling, my breathing is all over the place, and I feel so mentally low. im determined to stay off of EVERYTHING, but I guess I am just looking for reassurance.

will these horrible feelings both mentally and physically get any better? is this even normal to hit such a deep depressive episode? I should mention that I am also on several medications for anxiety depression and bipolar disorder, and I am pretty confident using while on medications like that probably totally messed up my natural serotonin and dopamine levels…

please tell me if you’ve ever gone through any of this and gotten through to the other side?