Future MIL Turned My Fiancé’s Father’s Birthday Into Our Engagement Announcement
Backstory:
We (25 & 28) got engaged and shared the news privately with our parents. His mother made several comments that made me feel uncomfortable, including repeatedly telling me how “lucky” I was and making remarks about my mother having fun planning the wedding alone with me. She also slumped against a wall and stared at me intensely until her husband tugged on her arm to sit up. A few weeks later, my fiancé’s mother offered to throw us an engagement party, which we politely declined because we wanted to plan and share our announcement ourselves with both sides together.
Fast Forward Almost Two Weeks:
We were celebrating my fiancé’s father’s birthday. During the event, my fiancé’s mother stopped the gathering and said, “don’t you have an announcement.” We politely declined multiple times and explained that we were there for his father’s birthday. Despite that, both parents continued to pressure us in front of everyone. We were surrounded by his family.
My fiancé had also been privately asked beforehand by his father to announce our engagement and had already said no to that request. I was not aware of that conversation at the time. After continued pressure, my fiancé eventually announced our engagement. All of this was recorded by his mother from start to finish.
We feel that we were essentially robbed of our engagement announcement. We understand the possible excitement, but it didn’t feel like a genuinely spontaneous or respectful moment, and it did not reflect the boundaries we had already communicated.
How We Feel Moving Forward:
Due to an accumulation of similar events, my fiancé did not want his mother at our wedding and now he doesn’t want his father there either. He has tried talking to them alone but his mother always crashes out, she throws tantrums, cries, deflects, and doesn’t take accountability. Her own children and husband have pointed out that she is in the wrong in several situations. She never apologizes and her husband eventually becomes her pawn. We both wish circumstances were different, but we feel not having them present is best to protect our peace.
Are we the jerks for not wanting them at our wedding?