I (F28) feel prepared to be a mother, but my husband (M27) is not sure to start a family now. When will be a good time?
Not to get too long, we've been together for six years and married for two years. We bought a house last year and we have already finished renovating it. We choose one of four rooms to have single rooms for each of us, our room, and an extra one thinking about the future. We are using it right now as a storage room, but it has a bed for visitors.
I have been working for a couple of years in a company that offers the opportunity to take maternity leave and return part-time until you want to return full-time.
He, on the other hand, has been working for a year and a half as an extra or covering casualties in a company in the industry that wants to work forever, but where there is no opportunity to enter with a permanent contract until a few years from now.
When we both started we were not clear if we wanted children, but after the first year and taking care of our nephews I wanted to start a family with him. He, on the other hand, was more inclined to the idea of not having children because he was overwhelmed by taking care of three children under four years old at the same time for two months without external help.
When we got engaged I told him that it was with the condition that we could start a family, and if he didn't want children I needed to leave him and look for a man who did want to be a father.
He then said yes, but that he wanted to be married first, have travelled and have a house to be stable and feel prepared to welcome a baby.
We have travelled to four countries since we got engaged, we have bought a car, the house and we have dogs and cats since our second anniversary. I feel like I need to be a mother before I'm thirty, I need to start trying now, especially because I have polycystic ovary syndrome and I've been warned that it can be difficult for us to get pregnant.
But when I talk about the subject, he always finds an excuse. If he need us both to be stable at work, that if there is political insecurity, that we are tight on money after the renewal, that if one of the dogs is difficult with the children...
It makes me feel insecure and that he has tied me with marriage and the house to him.
But then, in our day to day, he sees stuffed animals and buys them with the idea that our future baby likes them, he has bought extra photo frames to hang our first family photos, he has rescued his toys from when he was little for our son or daughter to play with them, he talks about the traditions we will have with them,... I'm not sure what to think.
I need help.
Do I wait one more year before I propose to start trying to have a baby? We haven't taken many precautions in our entire relationship. I've never taken daily contraceptives and he sometimes forgets to put on the condom. But then he gets stressed and brings me morning after pills, I have only taken them twice in six years.
My friends says that next time that we have a scare that I don't take the pill, but it seems to me that it would be playing dirty on my part since he says he is not ready to be a father yet…