u/Expensive-Basil3043

so basically i left school a couple of years ago now and at the end of the year prior that i met someone and we started dating. a lot happened and i handled the whole situation so wrong and i ended up moving in with them a couple months later due to family issues so got close really quickly. told them things i didn’t tell my friends as i was scared they would judge me and i kept my relationship with them a secret for months even though they had suspicions just because i wasn’t sure how they would react. i was also really in denial but i don’t want to use that as an excuse but anyways i kind of backed away from them a couple months before we left school and after we left they tried meeting up but i kept saying no. i told them all something i didn’t think would get out as i trusted them and one of my friends in the friendship group told and the person i was talking to found out. i felt like i couldn’t trust any of them and so after we left school i just thought there was no point and i also kept telling myself that it was all their fault basically and thinking they were definitely talking behind my back. i still spoke to one of them frequently and we used to meet up but then we drifted and we are all doing our own things now. i still talk to some of them sometimes to say happy birthday etc but i just regret how i handled everything and i can’t seem to stop thinking about it? can anyone help i don’t know how but it’s been a couple of years now and i feel like if they found out i was still thinking about it, it would be pretty weird. i do miss them but it was all my fault and there’s no way we can be friends again which i understand but i’m just so full of regret. i also don’t know how they saw it from their point of view but i’ve obviously never tried to explain myself.