Im leading a double life and can use some advice
This post will be long because it is an essay about the late teen to adult years of my life. I tried to write it as coherently as possible as to not be random and bore the reader. I wrote all of this in one go and do not feel like revising and improving the choppy flow, might be a bit hard to follow along, sorry about that.
A little backstory about me, I was born in late 05 in the Bay Area of California. I lived here all my life and went to public schools near where I lived. The reason I am in this double life situation is because I am a liar. I lie to everyone, my friends, family and coworkers about major details about my life. I lied so much because I wanted validation from people and for them to not look down on me.
It started when I was in high school, around 11th grade, I would start lying to my friends about my GPA. While this does not seem like a big deal, since it is the Bay Area and I am Asian, this habit turned into something that shaped my relationships. It started small, I got decent grades but I would lie and say that I got a good one. But in 11th grade and 12th grade, I started getting bad grades. I would barely pass classes or even fail them, but I would tell my friends that I got a good grade. The only time I did not lie about my grades during my later high school years was about second semester senior year, which nobody really tried too hard in because college decisions would have already came out by then. But anyways, I essentially passed all the classes I needed to in order to barely graduate. In late 12th grade, I started lying about the colleges I got into since I lied about my GPA. I would tell my friends that I got waitlisted into good colleges. Obviously I could not lie about getting into a good college because that would be hard to cover up. But I lied about getting close. As college decisions became finalized, the final lie I decided to tell people would be that I got into a really difficult program at my local state school, when I in fact got into one of their very easy programs. I lied about getting into a competitive CS program, when I got into the colleges ripoff new and easy to get into computer program. But that was not it, I also lied about getting a student internship at a big tech company making decent money right out of high school. I wanted people to think I was smart and look up to me, but the reality was that I never had gotten a job before and I was unemployed the summer after I graduated. Now up until this point, I never told any major lies to my parents, they pretty much knew the truth about my entire situation.
When college started, I got this job as a tutor at elementary schools. I told my friends that I had a more technical role when I was just a tutor, but that lie was not too major. I also told them I got paid a little more but not a big difference. My parents knew the entire truth at this time. Another important thing that happened to me at this time was that my dad randomly stopped paying for my tuition since my job could cover it if I worked enough. Nothing really changed in terms of my real situation and the lies i told my friends for the entirety of the school year, until summer. I lied to my friends and told them I got a job making some decent good money at this small tech company, when I was still working at the same tutor job, that was just for the summer though. Then when the next fall school year started in 2024, I went back to the lie about the small technical role at an elementary school.
When fall 2024 started, I was starting to fall behind on tuition payments due to not working enough and also a spending problem. I was overdue a whole semester, about 4.5k, and because I was overdue, I was not able to register for the next semester of classes. So I just decided to drop out because the program was not good anyways and it was not what I wanted to do anymore due to rising concerns about AI. I decided that I would go to a CC to save money and end up transferring out to a better college and program, which I would afford by taking loans, but CC was pretty cheap so for now I would not have to borrow any money. I decided not to go to my local CC because I did not want to see anyone I knew, and I also failed a class in high school there so my GPA would get tanked. I decided to go to a CC near my state school. I was there for 3 semesters and I essentially did nothing. I would get lazy and end up dropping the course more than halfway into the course time. During those 3 semesters, I essentially did nothing. I took one math course and chemistry course that I barely passed due to my laziness, even though it was so easy. In terms of my employment, I was still at the same tutor job, which I ended up quitting in 2025 summer. I also never told my parents that I dropped out of the state school university. They think i have been enrolled up until present day.
2025 summer is when I told a lot of big lies to a lot of people. I quit my tutoring job towards the end of the summer, I told them that I got into a really good program across the state so I was unable to work during the next school year, because I wanted that validation. I told my parents that I got a decent internship at a startup that paid ok, and I told my friends that I had a decent startup internship that paid well. When in reality, I was still at the same tutoring job. The 2025-2026 school year I went to the CC that was near my state school, doing only about 1-2 classes, which I ended up dropping one semester towards the end of the course. So really I did 2 classes in the span of the 2 semesters. I told my friends that I got a return offer at a big tech company and was making real good money, and that I dropped out of courses to pursue the company. When I was really just unemployed because I had just quit. I really enjoyed that job and it was good money, I quit something that was good for me purely because I wanted my coworkers to think better about me. I needed another job so I decided to work at a fast food place about 2 months into the school year. This was pretty close to my house. I always felt insecure working here as someone who just turned 20, i wanted to quit as soon as I found another job. But as a cashier, the work was pretty easy, it was just embarrassing if I saw someone I knew. I would always lie about my age and say that I was 18 so it would not seem disappointing that I was 20 and working at a fast food place. I never told my parents, I would not even consider telling them this because it is “beneath” the internship that I lied to them about. I did not even tell my friends. Lying about the fast food job was risky because it was only about 10 minutes away from my house and over the 8 months I worked there, I saw a few family friends. I will get into the family friends finding out later since that is what I am most stressed about. But basically the 2025-2026 school year I worked at fast food until now when I quit just 2 weeks ago, and I quit because it was so embarrassing and made me so insecure, I just wanted to find another job that was more discreet. This entire time, my parents thought I was doing small tech internships while in reality I worked fast food, and I also told my parents I got a nice tech internship for 2026 summer. And my friends still think I am in the same nice internship that I lied to them about.
At this point in my life, the lies have built up to something that is wildly different from my real life. The past 3 years, I have been working minimum wage jobs and have not progressed academically, I have barely progressed. I am behind 3 years of graduating because I barely got any credits. My parents think I have nice internships when I do not. And my friends think I work full time at a good tech job. I quit the fast food job 2 weeks ago due to insecurity, and I told all my coworkers and the customers I have gotten accustomed to that I am leaving because I got into an really good school, which was not true, but I lied nonetheless for validation.
Now back to my family friends finding out since that is a really important detail. My family friends of course told my parents since it came up in conversation. At first, I lied and just gaslit my parents. I told my parents that I told my family friends that because I did not want the family friends to ask me for job referrals for their kids to my nice internship, which did not exist. My parents believed that. Then one more family friend saw me and it came up in convo, but I just denied and gaslit, and my parents left it at that. Then it happened again, and my parents found out today and confronted me again. My mom asked me if I lied to her about it and that I could tell her. My mom at this point is pretty confident that I have been lying about working at the fast food place because 4 family friends saw me in uniform handing out food. And before, she might’ve thought I lied and did not want to admit it, so she just left it at that. But now, she is trying to get to the bottom of why I lied. I overheard her talking to my dad about lying because I might have been insecure about it and that if I lied about the fast food job, maybe I lied about the tech internships. I also overheard her saying that it is even embarrassing that I work there because there are better options for me. I am a good liar, I have already made fake W2s for my other fake internship jobs that I can show my parents to “prove” that they were “real”, but this whole situation just made me reflect.
It made me realize that I cannot get away with these lies that shaped what everyone thinks of me. I do not know how I am going to cover this up with my parents, it seems pretty hard since my family friends literally saw me. But they were the children of the family friends, and they would cover for me if I ask so I might try gaslighting my parents again. But this whole situation is just sad. I lie so much and for what benefit, just added stress and fake validation. I am supposed to graduate by 2027 spring, but I am behind 3 years so that will not be happening and I already dropped out of the state school university a while ago, and my parents still do not know. I was thinking of what to do, and I decided that a few months ago I would just randomly move out a few weeks before I am supposed to graduate because I do not want to face my parents disappointment. I do not make much since I am unemployed right now, but I am confident I can make it on my own even though it would be really hard. Maybe I will take another gap year and just work full time to save up, but I am already quite behind so I probably will not be doing that.
I realize that this situation is really not bad at all, I know other people have much worse situations than me, but my impeding insecurity makes this feel worse. I would not say I am depressed or anything like that, so emotionally I’m doing quite well even though I am contemplating moving out and contemplating all these big changes. In all honesty, I kind of do want to move out and do my own thing. I think I will be more driven and beat this insecurity of being judged. If I do move out, I would not lie about my life to the new people i meet, I have learned my lesson. But it will be hard financially, considering I also want to go to college. It would be much easier to just stay at home and get that free rent, but it might be worth it for me to leave and get a fresh start. I made this post because it just feels good to air out my life and tell the truth anonymously and get people’s opinion on my situation. I have become emotionally distant with my parents due to my father cutting me off financially a while back (still free rent though), so it honestly would not phase me to cut off my father, but I do love my mother and I know she would be very sad if I just up and left and take these changes in my life that would make my life much more difficult. I do not really know what I am going to do, I predict replies telling me to just make up with my parents, but I have a tendency to just run away from my problems obviously and deal with it another time when it is easier. I would honestly rather move out and do my own thing, be completely independent than have to deal with their disappointment. I am already very independent, I just need to worry about rent. Which I might even avoid by buying a minivan and setting that up nicely.
Cherry on top, the 4.5k overdue tuition was sent to collections and they just contacted me about it. I also have no money due to shitty spending habits. But I guess I have to lock in now because I have basically until next year around May before I do decide to move out, maybe even April. I gotta pay off the 4.5k debt and save enough money to buy a nice minivan cuz I do not think I want to rent right after moving out just to save money for a bit. My next school year will also be quite busy because I took so many classes. I am honestly contemplating dropping all the classes and just working for the 2025-2026 school year, on top of working this summer and next year summer, I will delay my graduation by another year, so 4 years in total now, but I will be much more stress free and financially set up. I do not like the idea of graduating at 25, about 5 months before I turn 26. But that might be my best option. I would have to take a whole lot of classes the next year so it would be quite difficult to work as well and be financially ready to move out next year April, but if I am able to make that work, i would have saved my self one year, I would graduate at 24 instead, which honestly feels like a big difference, but it would be much harder.
I rambled for so long and the last 2 paragraphs were just me contemplating by myself. I am kind of asking for advice but not really because I have made up my mind on my future. But I would still like to hear yall’s thoughts on my situation and I would appreciate any advice. I guess my contemplation right now is either working through all of 2025-2026 full time to get a lot of money saved up, or do classes and also work but risk not having enough to move out by next year.