u/Expensive-Tap-1749

[night owls please ignore this haha]

In my 20s, I always questioned those who couldn't get up in the morning as lazy, not trying hard enough, lacking resolve, etc, until it also happened to me in my late thirties. I finally understood that it was not biological - yes I get 8 hours of sleep, yes I actually do wake up around 7, but I don't get up until 830 when I absolutely have to in order to not be late at work. It is also not simply mental - I would never categorize myself as lazy or mentally weak, but the complexities of life, work and home, the relationships with others and with yourself are such that, sometimes, it would be easier to linger in bed while fully awake, social media surfing or even being "productive" (reading emails/news), than getting up early to face the day.

Don't get me wrong - eventually, I always get up. I'm on time to work, appointments, and flights (in fact I appreciate early obligations to force me out of bed), but mostly in a hurry. I would run, take a cab instead of public transit, and grab breakfast on the way. Rarely have I gotten up earlier than "needed" so that I felt paced and had time for ME. Think: meditation, work out, a healthy breakfast, personal projects, writing. I always get quickly washed into the schedule of the day esp. with work seeping into my messages and I can't help but respond and get glued to my phone. I do get a lot done work-wise throughout the day, but it feels terrible thinking that I'm trying to catch up with the flow of life, relinquishing control to everything that comes my way and always putting myself AFTER all these external requests. And I have a growing fear that once with children, it will get worse.

I read about all kinds of narratives about morning habits, from books, podcasts or KOLs like Dan Koe. The stuff is great, but they are the outcome, not the methodology. Anyone who successfully cultivates a habit of getting up at 5am can probably write a book about their amazing morning schedules.

I also tried physical alarm clocks, digitally persistent alarms (with quizzes and photos), lamps, or asking my poor husband to shake me out of bed. These methods worked initially, but as external crutches, they are still too easy to snooze. I would get up but feel groggy. Or in some mornings, I hit snooze, complete the quizzes, wait for husband to leave, and stay in bed and start social media.

Beginning this month, I had a 5-day break and decided that there has to be a change. Instead of crafting ways of waking myself up, I put "getting myself out of bed" as the ultimate goal, and who's the best person to motivate me other than myself?

Simply put, I designed an automation with Apple's native "Shortcuts", with the following:

• Pleasant sound to wake me up at 7am
• A flow of 8-9 voice messages with gaps in between, containing information such as date and weather to contextualize, and more importantly, framed as questions for me to answer, about wishes, goals, daily plans
• Sequential motivation about getting up
• No snooze but a hard stop at the end so I am the only one responsible for how this day goes

No AI, free, quick to set up. I know it sounds silly to talk into the air in the morning, with another human next to you (husband did laugh in the beginning ugh!). But trust me, making yourself talk is a best way to activate your body and brain.

The result: I now get up at 7am when I wake up, +/- 5 mins. I do my morning stretch, cook breakfast at home, and get to write something before stepping out. These are not huge accomplishments, and more tests need to be done with better planning of this extra 1.5 hour, but I feel confident.

The positive reinforcement works as a loop: I get up earlier -> I get to do ME things first thing in the morning -> I feel great rest of the day -> the next day I dread getting up early less and even want to try earlier alarms -> I get up earlier.

Wish me luck! Happy to delve into more details if you find this helpful 😄

I needed to make a big decision regarding my PhD but have been procrastinating. Thought I would ask a yr-7 phd friend for advice so booked her for coffee.

She started talking about her experience, what she learned and why she chose this path and stuck with it in the past 7 years. But instead of telling me what I should do, or what she would have done if she were me, in the usual advisory role, she did something special. 

She said, "So I have this friend, [my name], who is pretty awesome and has a number of special qualities". She went on elaborating on this person's professional background, managerial understanding, cross-cultural experiences, language skills, good resume, adding that last but not least this person is a cool kid and a principled soul. “Given all this, she should be landing important positions and achieving things that matter to her. Don’t you agree?”

This whole time, the description was in third person so that I didn't feel embarrassed that she's flattering me. Expectedly, I felt empowered, stepping out of myself to see me objectively and even feeling the urge to nod at certain times. 

In the end, she said, "I'm sure if you ask [my name], she would know what to do. I know she is available these days and takes appointments”. 

I waved goodbye to her at the end of coffee without any concluding ideas, but a renewed sense of confidence and control. What a magical way of encouraging and empowering someone else! 

I wanted to try this on myself and loved ones. Sharing it here in case it is helpful to you as well.