I am stuck with this violent manipulative man
I (26F) am currently living with my husband and his parents. I am writing this because I am completely lost, isolated, and terrified, and I don't know what to do with my life anymore.
Before we got married recently, we had what I believed was the most lovely relationship of 2 years of dating, we met on bumble. We were never ever violent toward each other. We had a few heated arguments over the years, obviously, but nothing major. He would lose his temper during arguments sometimes, but he never hit me never once did he even come close to doing anything physical.
Everything changed drastically after marriage, starting with extreme distress on my side involving his mother. Immediately after marriage, my mother-in-law began saying deeply hurtful things to me. My husband refused to stand up for me or confront her, and he frequently lied about addressing it. His mother exhibits highly unstable, paranoid behavior, and the household is run on emotional avoidance and fear. At one point, I tried to help her by sharing my own past struggle with depression years ago to break the mental health stigma, but she weaponized it, told his father I was "mad," and verbally assaulted me, calling me "mentally unfit." My husband did nothing to protect me.
Because of the intense stress over his mother, our fights escalated. A few months into the marriage, during a severe argument about his refusal to confront his mom, I became distressed and aggressively slapped his arm. He retaliated with extreme, disproportionate violence he physically restrained me and threw me hard onto the floor, causing my head to hit the ground. I told his dad, but his dad completely ignored it.
The second incident happened later, when he punched me directly in the face during a fight. The bruise under my eye was so severe that I couldn't go to my office for an entire week to hide it. Only my mother and sister know about this, but they are helpless themselves and my mother will not take me back.
A bit later, he forcefully threw a heavy, weighted bedsheet flat onto my face to wake me up while I was sleeping. I told his mother, which caused a huge fight. His dad scolded him and swiped him on the head, but his dad then turned around and swiped me on the head too, even though I was just sleeping and had done nothing wrong.
The worst and most terrifying escalation happened very recently while we were away on a trip. We had a small hotel room and argued the night before about limited space. The next morning, I woke him up early so he would have time to eat before an activity. He suddenly snapped, remembered the night before, and started screaming at me. I tried to disengage by putting on earplugs and getting under a blanket, but he ripped the blanket away and threw my earplug on the floor.
He then grabbed my arm and pressed down so hard I screamed for help. He clamped his hand over my mouth, cutting my lip and making it bleed. He held me in his lap while muffling my screams, and as I tried to wiggle out, I ended up hanging off the bed with my head toward the floor. He then got completely on top of my body (my back, hips, and thighs) while my head hung upside down, and pressed so hard on my mouth that my back arched unnaturally. He pinned me there in agonizing pain for 1 to 2 minutes while I cried.
When he let me fall to the floor, he held his hands over my mouth and nose and attempted to suffocate me. I struggled for my life, flailing my arms and legs and kicking him to try and get him off me (I know I scratched his ears, arms, and chest purely trying to defend myself and breathe). He only let go when my body started trembling from exhaustion. I lay on the floor for 5 minutes, unable to move my neck, back, or tailbone because of how badly my spine had been stretched. He realized he injured me, got scared, gave me a painkiller, and left. On the flight back, he acted completely normal and gave empty "never again" apologies, telling me I should only tell his dad if I think he'll do it again.
I am completely stuck. About 90% of our relationship day 2 day feels good and nice, which makes this so confusing, but the violent 10% is becoming life-threatening. I have no father, my mother won't take me in, I have no job, no source of income, and no way right now to complete my studies. Separation feels impossible because of the immense social stigma, and my mother-in-law openly says that divorced or single women are worthless.
I feel completely hopeless and don't see a point in living anymore. I am currently alone in his parents' house while he is at work. What do I do? How do I survive this when I have absolutely nobody to turn to?
Tl;dr: feel trapped and want to end this suffering