Work Colleague Advice. Feeling isolated and ignored at new job.
Male, 32 Maintenance and Security in a College Campus.
I recently started a new job and I’m struggling to tell whether I’m overreacting or whether one coworker genuinely has an issue with me and is subtly isolating me at work.
The coworker is called Abdul and from my very first shift, something felt off.
So day one, during training, he would often walk around 10 feet ahead of me in busy corridors while explaining tasks.
Now you gotta undersrand I’m completely new to the environment, so naturally I asked questions because I actually wanted to learn the role properly and make sure I was doing things correctly right? But because he was so far ahead, I genuinely couldn’t hear half of what he was saying and instead of slowing down or repeating himself normally, he’d say things like “See, you’re not listening” or “What did I just say?” if I got anything wrong or went the wrong way ( which is easy to do in a campus with over 320 rooms and multiple corridors!)
One example was when we were checking disabled toilet emergency cords. He explained that one person checks the toilets while another waits “downstairs” to see which emergency lights activate.
He never explained where exactly downstairs this actually was, so I assumed he meant our office downstairs where all the radios and computers are kept.
As soon as I started heading toward the stairs he immediately went “What are you doing? You’re not listening again. It’s behind reception.”
It constantly felt like he expected me to already know things that had never actually been explained to me.
What made it worse is that outside of work instructions, he would barely speak to me at all. I’d try small talk, ask questions, or just try to break the awkward silence because we’re working side by side for hours, but as expected, every time I’d get one-word answers while he stared at his phone.
At first I convinced myself maybe he was just shy or having a bad week? But then I noticed he was completely different with everyone else. He’d happily laugh, joke, and have long conversations with Andy, Mike, Jenny, and other staff members like, the second they entered the room, his personality would switch completely from distant and cold to laughing and loud.
Meanwhile with me it was silence, disinterest, or short dismissive replies.
That contrast is honestly what started getting to me mentally. If he acted cold with everyone I’d understand, but it feels very targeted toward me specifically.
I prefer direct conflict over silence because atleast then we're aware of the position we stand right?
There were loads of smaller moments too that sound petty on their own but together build this constant feeling of exclusion. For example, I’d say good morning and everybody would reply except him. I’d join conversations everyone else was having everybody else would respond normally and politely whilst Abdul would ignore anything I said entirely. Ive even offered to make a coffee or tea for him whilst I was making my own and of course they declined, but then asked Jenny if shes making a brew once she got back to the office. Again, tiny thing by itself, but after days of feeling ignored it starts affecting you more than you’d think.
The atmosphere became so awkward when we were alone that Iv started dreading shifts with him, which is frustrating because I was genuinely excited and motivated when I started this job. We're both on the same shift pattern all next Monday to Friday right until building lock up so that should be eventful.
This Friday gone something happened that finally pushed me into confronting the whole situation..
A delivery driver with a Russian accent came in with paper deliveries and I mentioned to Andy — while Abdul was nearby — that I love hearing Russian accents because they sound funnier telling certain jokes and banter. (If anybody knows Art from YouTubes Trilogy Media you'll understand completely, hes brilliant ) .
It was literally just harmless conversation, a random comment, banter.
Then low and behold out of nowhere Abdul goes: “That’s a bit racist init.”
That honestly irritated me because there was zero racist intent behind what I said, it wasnt a racist remark in the slightest as I complimented an accent plus I’ve never been called racist in my life and for good reasons.
I walked back into the office where other coworkers were sitting and sarcastically asked Abdul if this is how he welcomes every new person to the team. He just sat there silently. So eventually I directly asked him if he had some sort of issue with me because we work together almost every day and the atmosphere is uncomfortable. " Just be a man and explain what your issue is so we can resolve it and move on" I recall saying.
But he still barely engaged and mostly just replied with things like “okay then” and “fine.” of which I now realised there is no getting through to him.
I’ve even asked other coworkers whether he’s naturally shy or quiet and every single one of them said no — apparently he’s normally very talkative.
At this point I honestly don’t know if he just dislikes me personally, feels threatened for some reason, or if I’m simply reading too much into things because I’m new and trying to fit in.
I was raised to “kill people with kindness” and not let other people’s behaviour affect my self-worth because often it reflects their own issues, not yours. But when you spend 10-hour shifts beside someone who acts like they don’t want you there, it genuinely starts affecting your confidence and mental state. Plus it makes the day drag on hell of alot longer.
It has been raised to my manager just so air can be cleared and we're going to have a discussion on Monday which will be tomorrow so I will see what comes from that and hopefully get some answers.
Im not wanting to become his new "friend" or even be a close colleague but in a job that requires 2 people to get done, communication is key and the communication is non existent.
So honestly…does this sound deliberate to other people too? Any advice appreciated.
TLDR : Basically new to the job ( 2 weeks in ) and im being isolated and ostracised for no reason by one coworker. Job requires communication to work and there is non even after attempting multiple times and being kind and friendly. Still being ignored 99% of time so a manager meeting is tomorrow to clear air.