My (32M) Partner (28F) Stays Out All Night Every Weekend and It’s Affecting Me
Hey y’all, just need some help figuring out how to communicate my needs properly.
I (32M) have been with my partner (28F) for over two years, it’s been a very great relationship, very healing for the both of us, we don’t argue about really anything, and are very different humans but our personalities/interest/differences intersect in a very great way.
We have had one glaring issue however, and it is the subject of them staying out till 4AM/5AM consistently either on Friday, Saturday, or both nights. For context we’re both in the hospitality industry, so we usually wrap work around Midnight, but I personally have moved away from drinking, super late nights as I’ve gotten older and just cautionary tales I’ve seen working in the industry I’m in. I also have to be at work earlier, and work more frequently than them.
I’m not worried about infidelity or anything like that, as I know the people she’s hanging out with usually, it’s more so the time they are coming home, and the anxiety it fills me with, and the disruption of my routine/sleep.
They are a student on top of working as well so they express it’s their one time to really fill in hanging out with friends/having a good time/etc which I understand but it still makes me worry and is deregulating. They think it’s controlling for me asking to be considerate of my schedule and needs when I ask for boundaries on it or a compromise, which is based on their previous relationship with a real bad dude.
This has been a constant in our relationship, and sometimes I’ve not said anything, or kept it to myself, but recently it has become more loud arguments about the subject and when I try to be calm and approach out of a place of love they still get defensive, or argumentative, cherry picking my words or throwing things back in my face. No matter how I communicate it, it’s never received well and becomes a bigger argument.
I’m kind of at a loss of how to approach it as my patience has been reduced due to the frequency and lack of sleep I’m getting. Any words or insight would be much appreciated.
TL;DR: my partner stays out till the morning consistently on weekend nights and it has become seriously disruptive of my routine/work schedule. Can’t get through to my partner and it’s seriously affecting our relationship.