ETA: I have had a close relationship with meta for two years; meta told me what they discussed with their own therapist re: their attachment style. I’ve witnessed meta and partner’s r’ship up close for three years bc we’ve had a very integrated life.
I am trying to understand avoidant attachment better, and hoping to hear from those who identify with that label or those in relationships with avoidant attachers (AA).
Do AAs dislike it, feel uncomfortable, experience shame, etc when other ppl love “their” ppl well? My meta is severely avoidant (per meta’s discussions with their therapist, confirming what I’ve witnessed.) I’ve noticed that meta gets incredibly angry that I show love to our shared partner. They have talked about not doing things for our partner on purpose bc they believe they shouldn’t have to do anything for an adult, ever. I enjoy showing love to my favorite ppl by cooking meals, helping with tasks, etc. There is reciprocity between my partner and I, but there is not with partner and meta.
Meta honestly takes the same approach with their shared child, a teenager. If another person is capable, meta won’t do it, even if it would be helpful, supportive, etc. It’s very much “every man for himself” in their r’ships. They’ve even commented that I do too much for my own children. I actually parent my children; we have conversations, spend quality time together, etc. I don’t do too much for them, I just do significantly more than meta does.
I’m not planning to have any relationship with meta moving forward bc this has become such a sore spot for them. They really resent that I have an emotionally intimate relationship with our partner and they don’t. I guess I’m just trying to understand avoidant attachment, in case I run into this again. Maybe this situation is specific to this person, though? I’m open to feedback.