Stuck in a Loop for Years
Hi guys,
Long time gambling addict here. Used to play in the physical casino, but banned myself (3x) in my late teens and early twenties. All started when i was in highschool, where we would gamble and play cards at lunch for lunch money
I’m currently 29 and a few hundred k in debt. Just from previous loans and over-leverage when i had liquidity
Let’s peel it back. Always been a gambler, but it got really bad in 2022, when crypto casinos got introduced. Where i pretty much ran 80k usd > 500k usd in the span of a few days
This was all online. I then lost it in 2 days
It didn’t stop there, because i already had that heat streak and i then ran < few hundred to 6 figures plus. The best run i had was $360 to 200k usd - that was 2023
Then the lost year came - 2024. Paying back debts, massive volatility. 6 figures down the drain in casino losses
Then 2025. Same deal. First half of the year, just massive losses. Confided in a friend for personal budgeting and also as a locksafe. Still was gambling (small amounts) on the side. He wasnt aware. Had a failing online business because my focus was scattered, until i pretty much ran myself into the ground. At the end of the year, did the rough p+l which spanned all the way back until 2024 (i dont count the previous years)
2026 come by now. Business actually doubled in MRR since January when i focused. I’ve always been a bit of a high income earner. Had some minor relapses (total ~30k this year) but nothing too grand losing 6 figures like 2024 and 2025
BUT just pass this may, i did +50k, FOUR TIMES. I started to log my balances in what i call “A Degen Log” Looking at all the websites and casinos i went to (4x in total online) - total amount wagered was ~4m for the month of May
You can see the activation when my rational side goes out the window and i just want my money back
Now the worse part is that i’m afraid of myself. Like i cannot trust myself with a large amount of liquidity, cos i get so fucking angry and upset and want to kill them (stubborn, optimistic - things that make a great entrepreneur but terrible gambler)
I distinctly remember in 2022 when i had won that money - it was like this light bulb in my head going - finally, i won everything that i lost to casino during the years
Key note is that i’m turning 30 this year. I make 5 figures take home per month at the moment, yet SOMEHOW i still find myself broke?!?!
I’m fucken terrified for when my money does land and moving forward too. Gambling keeps eating away at the potential of the man i should be becoming, but apart of me can’t let it go