idrk how to work this app but i just needed to vent. basically, like the title says i’m failing high school and won’t graduate on time, and i don’t really care. i’m 16 and already believe that the world isn’t going to get any better for me nor in general.
for some backstory: before my 8th grade graduation (2023), i was diagnosed with steven’s johnson’s syndrome and it completely destroyed my skin. now my skin is better, just with scarring, but it wasn’t healed enough by the time freshman year started and i dreaded having to go with all the redness all over me, so i ended up going thru a rough depression where i ended up being admitted to the psych ward twice in the span of 2 months.
i ended up failing freshman year because of my attendance, and around 4 months into the next school year, i changed schools and started going to a smaller alternative high school which helped me but i still struggled with attendance and it only worsened when i was yet again diagnosed with something. i was 15 and still hadn’t gotten a period. i had taken every test and they couldn’t find my uterus, until i had a inspection type of surgery and i found out that i didn’t have a uterus and that i had something called MRKH syndrome. i have 2 perfectly functioning ovaries (though they are littered with endometriosis), just no uterus, which was kinda hard to wrap my head around but i ended up accepting it because idc about not getting a period and i don’t desire children so it was kind of a win for me.
now this school year, i was doing decently for a few months, but then in January, a childhood friend of mine that lived quite literally up the street from me, was shot and killed by 3 boys, 2 of which went to the school i switched to and its completely fucked me up. i’ve probably had like 2-3 appearances at that school since then, and i’m going back today but i literally am so uninterested in school and have no faith in anything. my life is one bad thing after another and it’s made me scared to try to do anything else ever again.
the only thing i’m passionate about at the moment is singing, but before covid, i did theater and was very passionate about acting. now i have too much anxiety to pursue any of it, but since i was a little girl, i always dreamed of being famous and the realization that the only way i would truly succeed in the industry is if i did something horrible has completely killed me inside. but even tho i know this, i still can’t bring myself to want any other job or even get a job for the sake of it. i’m a total loser and if my life is already this sad, i have no hope for the future.