I (F23) need honest advice because I don’t know anymore how to handle this situation or how to interpret my own feelings. My boyfriend (M24) and I keep having problems with communication and respect, and yesterday it escalated again.
I drove specially from Regensburg to Munich to him. Originally it was planned that I would leave right after work and we would meet around 17:30. Shortly before closing time, however, he said that he had to stay longer in the laboratory. He didn’t tell me in time if I should take a later train, so I decided that myself.
Due to the delay, I arrived at around 19:00 instead of 17:30. But I let him know in time. We had actually agreed to meet at Sendlinger Tor. Just before I arrived, he suddenly asked me when I would be at the main station, which totally confused me, because that was not the plan.
He was busy with family matters during that time (his parents are going through a divorce), but he still couldn’t clearly tell me where we were meeting or answer the phone. That stressed me out because I was already late anyway.
I arrived at Sendlinger Tor at 19:09, but he wasn’t there and didn’t inform me, and suddenly wanted me to come to the university instead. I was already annoyed because I had traveled so far and would have liked him to communicate clearly or pick me up.
When we finally saw each other, he only came part of the way toward me. I wanted him to come all the way to me, simply because I had made the entire trip to see him, but he stopped and said my behavior was “kindergarten.”
We started arguing and then he just left again. I ran after him, cried, and yelled at him to stop because I felt completely overwhelmed (also because I had previously told him in Thailand that if this happened again, I would leave the relationship). I have honestly never screamed like that before in my life, so this reaction surprised me as well.Important context: This is not the first time he reacts like this during conflict. On vacation in Thailand, he walked away from me even though I didn’t have internet access (he had the SIM card), and I lost him. This has happened twice.
In general, I often feel like:
\- I adapt and make the effort to travel to him
\- he doesn’t give clear information in important moments
\- when things get stressful or emotional, he withdraws or walks away
At the same time, he is dealing with family stress, which I try to take into account. However, I also recently experienced a death in my family, and there was very little support or follow-up from him.
How would you interpret this pattern of behavior in a relationship, and what would you recommend someone in my situation do moving forward? How can I address this in a constructive way, or recognize if this dynamic is unhealthy?