AITAH for cutting off my maternal grandmother after years of family drama, favoritism, and enabling abuse?
Before you read the story just wanted to say I been watching your channel for a while now & I love your energy & a late congrats on the wedding! Want to give you your flowers Charlotte!
I (32F) grew up very family-oriented. My mom struggled financially when I was younger, so we lived with different family members throughout the years. Because of that, I was around my maternal grandmother and uncle a lot growing up.
When I was around 6 years old, my uncle (who was always my grandmother’s favorite child) started bullying me. One day he mocked me in front of his friends by asking if I still wet the bed. Ironically, he was still wetting the bed himself at the time, so I responded by asking him the same thing back. He immediately flew into a rage and slapped me across the face.
I told my mom when she got home because she was always my safe place. That led to a huge argument, but my grandmother defended my uncle instead of me. Unfortunately, that became the pattern for years. My grandmother constantly enabled his behavior, even when he disrespected or abused other people, including his own wife.
As I got older, I started realizing my grandmother thrived on drama. She would gossip about family members, try to turn people against each other, and play favorites constantly. She also caused division among her siblings and tried controlling situations involving money and family decisions. She has a good side too, which is why people kept giving her chances, but the older I get, the more I feel like a lot of it is for appearances.
There were several times I distanced myself from her, but I always came back because I have a soft spot for family.
One thing that deeply hurt me happened when I was a teenager. At 18, I got involved with a man 10 years older than me. Looking back now, I realize he took advantage of me. I later found out he was married, had another girlfriend, and had been lying to me the entire time. I ended up pregnant and chose to have an abortion because I knew I wasn’t ready to become a mother under those circumstances.
Years later, my grandmother sent me an email trying to shame and berate me for having the abortion. That stuck with me for a long time.
Another issue was that she constantly tried to isolate me from family members I was close to by speaking badly about them. She even helped get me fired from a job before, along with other relatives and friends. At this point, I genuinely believe both she and my uncle are narcissistic.
The final straw happened when I was 24.
At the time, my mom and uncle lived in neighboring apartments. My younger sister and I already knew that arrangement was a terrible idea. One day after work, I came home, changed clothes, and was relaxing and smoking Maryjane to decompress. My uncle also smoked, but that day he had none.
He started venting to me about an argument he’d had with my mom earlier. I listened, but when he wanted me to take sides, I simply said, “You guys are siblings. Y’all will probably be mad now and cool later, so I’m staying out of it.”
That set him off.
He suddenly grabbed the Maryjane I was smoking along with the rest of it and threw it outside into the grass. I got angry and reacted badly by attempting to damage the back window of his car because I knew how much he cared about it. Thank God I have terrible aim when it comes to throwing though.
He then charged at me aggressively. I ran down the steep gravel hill toward the corner where my dad usually hung out. On the way, I passed my mom and grandmother and told them what happened. At first they seemed supportive, but the second my grandmother heard my uncle’s version of events, she immediately switched sides and started accusing me of being disrespectful in an apartment he didn’t even live in.
When my dad arrived, my grandmother lied and acted like she had witnessed everything herself. Then she tried to get me sent inside while they spoke to my dad without me there — despite the fact that I was a 24-years-old adult. I told her, “In court, a judge doesn’t dismiss one side before hearing the case.”
Then she escalated things further by telling my dad I was a “drug addict” because I smoked Maryjane — despite the fact that her husband, son, and daughter all did the same thing.
At that point, I completely snapped. I told her that at least I had never done "Booger Sugar". She gasped and tried to silence me immediately. I told her I had heard plenty over the years but never used her past against her because it wasn’t my business.
My dad ended up taking me home with him that night.
Fast forward to now: I recently cut my grandmother off completely. Ironically, before that happened, I had actually been emotionally supporting her through a relationship situation where a man was clearly using her. I tried to be empathetic and understanding even though many people around her weren’t.
Despite that, she continued being controlling, manipulative, and critical of me. She even asked my pregnant younger sister, who lives in another country, “What’s wrong with her?” because I wasn’t reaching out enough. My sister bluntly told her, “I’m pregnant, stressed with school, and in another country. What do you expect me to do about it?”
My sister keeps her distance from our grandmother too because she experienced the favoritism firsthand growing up. Our grandmother treated her like the unwanted grandchild while favoring me and our oldest male cousin. Even as a baby, my sister didn’t want our grandmother holding her.
At this point, I feel emotionally exhausted and done. I’ve spent years trying to excuse her behavior because she’s family, but I honestly feel like cutting her off is the healthiest thing for me mentally and emotionally.
So… AITAH for cutting off my maternal grandmother?