5 years addiction ruined my life!!! and still does
salem alykom
since i was 13 years old i started wondering what is normal at that age. When i had dreams about intimacy i woke up in the middle of the night with my pants all covered. I thought it wasn't normal. I liked those dreams. So i started discovering things on my own. I wish i had asked my dad. I felt ashamed and didn't know what to say. We are a muslim family and i felt like it would have been different if i had asked him.
* it started with watching girls in bikinis
* then i found some websites
*. One thing led to another
i regret it a lot. Since then my grades have been going down. It takes a lot of courage to say this and tell this story for the time. Since then i haven't been consistent with my prayer. My life has started falling apart.
now i'm 18 years old. I'm still with this habit. I've tried to quit times but every time i fail. Ramadan the month before it i was consistent with my prayer but i still relapsed. I took advantage of ramadan. I felt great. I even prayed tahajoud. It was beautiful. I made progress. My grades went up because i went back to my religion.
now after ramadan i'm back to the old habit and i've stopped praying. I was freelancing,. Now i have no energy to do anything. I feel bad and guilty for my sins. Today i haven't fed this habit. I need some communities to share this with. It's hard when i'm on my own and i feel like i need support and advice on how to quit. Maybe someone who had the story, as me so we can quit together. I know allah can forgive us all
thank you.