How do I show someone that I don’t wanna date their gf?
So long story short I’m pretty sure that my college roommate’s girlfriend thinks I want to date her? (all late 20s F if it matters)
My roommate from college (Sarah) and her gf (Amanda) have been together for three years now and are actually the only two people in my life who know that I’m aroace. For some reason though I feel like Amanda still thinks I want to go out with Sarah.
Here’s some reasons why I think this may be the case:
Last year I went to visit them in the state they live in now. They both seemed to be happy to have me visit, but I felt like I was always making Amanda mad. For context Sarah and I both have the same food allergies and have very similar taste in food/beverages. This means we often order the same things or order things to share. We’ve never excluded Amanda from sharing, but she would have a noticiable frustrated reaction when this would happen.
Another issue is that Sarah’s love language is touch. I don’t like physical contact as much, but can put up with it for friends/family (I’m going to therapy don’t judge). I’ve noticed that is Sarah is at all touchy with me Amanda will often physically separate her. Maybe by putting her arm around her shoulder or by hugging her from behind or whatever. Touch also seems to be Amanda’s love language, but I’ve never noticed her doing this when Sarah is touchy with other friends.
The last thing I’ll mentioned happened recently. They were in my hometown for a festival and I tagged along with them and their friends. I had never met their friends so Sarah and Amanda were the only people there I knew. (I was trying my best to get along with their friends, but I am painfully inept at inserting myself into established friend groups. Again, I’m going to therapy, please don’t judge.) During this event Sarah was doing her best to make me feel included, and also catching up as we haven’t seen each other in a year. Amanda was constantly walking up and separating us and interrupting our conversations. I tried to talk with Amanda as well and be friendly, but I just kept getting the sinking feeling that she did not want me there.
Hopefully it’s all in my head and she actually doesn’t think that I want her gf. But if not, how can I convince her that I don’t want her gf? I really want to keep being friends with Sarah and maybe even grow closer to Amanda, but I’m not sure I can if things continue this way. I’ve already come out as aroace to them, but is there some way that I can make it more clear? I’m not sure it’s worth it to confront Amanda about it directly since I don’t get to see them very often, but I also don’t want this to be an issue between us if I can do something.